A life update

Where I've been, where I'm at & where I'm going

Trust me to drop in with a life update in the new year. I promise that was not intentional - I unsubscribed from the girl boss energy of 1st January a few years ago now - it just so happens my natural trajectory of human growth coincides with the coming of 2025.

So, where have I been?

The short answer: working on myself.

Seeing things for what they are. Trusting, knowing, and learning to move on. Breaking patterns, resuming them, and spotting the fall. Pulling myself up off a floor wet with tears to befriend the other feelings pain lets in - gratitude, joy, and strength.

I won’t go into details because it’s deeply personal and honestly I don’t think it’s necessary. We all carry pain to work through, and I suspect those of you who choose to do the work will see your stories in my short description above.

What I do want to acknowledge is this: when we say we are ‘working on ourselves’, we must honour that it is work. It is draining and takes courage. The emotional processing required could make up the hours of a full time job.

This is what I have been sitting with these past weeks, and it’s left very little room for deep thinking in other areas of my life - including writing to you.

Where am I at?

The funny thing about this work is that eventually (in my case two and a half years of weekly therapy) it leads to breakthroughs. The hard work pays off and you get to experience life with new perspectives, tools, and understanding.

So the past weeks, whilst I’ve been away in my own little cocoon, have been fulfilling as much as they have been hard. I have experienced what people say about emotional healing - how learning to look at and feel your pain is the path to being able to look at and feel joy.

Shifts like this are ineffable experiences that are hard to put into words. The only way I can think to describe it is that I feel a sense of resilience that is new to me. I trust I have my back, I know I deserve love from myself and others, and I show myself this by taking actions that reinforce this belief every single day.

I’m no longer simply going through the motions of self-care. I’m actually caring for myself. Each morning I put myself together, I go for a walk, I do pilates, I eat foods that sustain me, I do work that fulfils me, I tidy my space, I chat with my friends. And if I can’t that day, and self-care looks more like giving myself grace, I let myself be. It feels as though I am living life, not simply surviving, and it’s all thanks to my hard work and the support of my husband.

This does not mean I function all of the time. I’ve cried a lot, felt hopeless, and struggled with daily life in this time too - but the shift is not in what I experience but how I experience it. When you see things for what they really are, and you do the work to continually heal your relationship with yourself, you learn that as an adult you can choose how you react to experiences and feelings in your life. It’s not easy, but at least now I have a choice - it’s not a linear journey, but I’m willing to continue to practice.

Where am I going?

I’m hesitant putting this in writing because I don’t know if I will be able to do it - not in a self-deprecating way, in a very literal sense - but I would love to be able to establish a small business online this year.

Building on what I’ve already achieved with my social media platforms and this newsletter, I am going to experiment with what it looks like to establish an online brand selling products I create. I use the word ‘brand’ because that’s what people call it, but perhaps I need not make it sound so grandiose. Put simply; I wan to start an online shop to sell products I’ve made, and am making, that I hope will help you to thrive on your own rewilding journey.

As an ex-corporate lawyer, I’m used to work being an arena I push myself to breaking point in. Having barely started this next project I already feel myself falling into old toxic patterns of over-working, identifying my self-worth with what I can achieve, and setting absurdly high standards for myself out the gate.

I think it will be interesting to share the journey of testing out self-employment as a late diagnosed neurodivergent person with CPTSD and work trauma (maybe ‘interesting’ is the wrong word, but as someone with a special interest in what it’s like to literally be human I think it’s the best word I can offer!). I could work silently in the background, but ‘just doing it’ has never been my thing. I need to write about it, consider my options, reflect on every step, to feel connected to the process.

I genuinely do wish I was a ‘just do it’ type of person. It would make ideas come to life a lot more quickly. But maybe this is my first lesson; for work to be sustainable I have to work with myself not against myself. I might be used to bullying myself into working in the ways society expects of us - on the assumption that any other approach would mean failure - but what if there is another way?

As ever, I’ll share the journey with you, and in my next few newsletters I’ll introduce the concept of the brand to you and the initial product I will be launching. In fact, I need your input on that please - so stay tuned! In the meantime, if you have anything to share in response to today’s newsletter, please do leave me a comment or reply to this email. I can’t always respond to everyone but I read and reflect on and appreciate hearing your stories.

Speak to you soon,

Charlie Rewilding 🌱

P.s. Another part of my ‘business plan’ is to work with brands that I use in day-to-day life. Excitingly, The Oodie reached out to me a few weeks ago and asked me to become an ambassador. I have been wearing my Oodie for the last two years, so it was a no-brainer to say yes! If you’re thinking of buying one for yourself, here’s a 15% discount when you buy through this referral link and use the discount code ‘CHARLIELEG56691’ at checkout. As an ambassador, I receive a commission on each sale. I won’t be peppering you with random brand partnerships frequently, but in cases where I genuinely feel the product is aligned with and could help you I hope you’re on board with me hooking you up with discounts!