Dear fellow human,
This week I am flying to Florence for a long weekend with my husband to celebrate his birthday. I am excited (especially for the art, pizza, and coffee) but simultaneously I harbour nervousness. It’s an example of the dichotomous experience of life being AuDHD: craving new and exciting experiences on the one hand, and finding change and spontaneity difficult on the other.
The bottom line is that I’m so grateful to be able to go. There was a time in recent years that I couldn’t leave my house, let alone get on a plane to another country. That really put these opportunities into perspective for me; I feel privileged to be able to go.
That said, just because I am able doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy and that I am not still multiply disabled. For me the most daunting part of travel, but particularly international travel, is that unexpected things can happen at any moment to totally dysregulate my nervous system. Given I’ve been prioritising regulating my nervous system every single day for the last two years, putting myself in a position where there is a higher risk of dysregulation to the point of shutdown and meltdown is scary.
Before I realised I am autistic and have ADHD I loved to travel. But every time I travelled I would feel ‘off’ as soon as I got there. Within hours I would crash, shutdown, meltdown, become depressed, feel burned out, or some combination of the above. Often, these experiences had to be kept internal - I would mask my arse off just so no-one knew how I was really feeling. To me, my feelings made no sense and were embarrassing. How could I feel this way in a place I have been looking forward to visiting so much?
I remember when I went on a six week yoga teacher training course in Thailand when I was in my early twenties. I went alone, but joined a group of international yoga students living and training together every day. We lived where we trained and we trained where we lived. Everyone ate together, and most activities outside of yoga like going on boat trips were organised as a big group. It was my dream; to be learning yoga in a beautiful place surrounded by fellow kindred souls. And yet it was so hard to acclimatise to the changes and the sensory experiences of living in a hot country under the baking sun surrounded by people. Luckily I had my own room to retreat to - I knew myself well enough, at least, not to sign myself up to a shared one.
I would go to breakfast super early so I could finish before everyone else and go back to my room before class started. I would hang out with one or two people I felt comfortable with rather than opting to sit in a big group. I would go swimming every day on my own. I wouldn’t invite anyone back to my room (making it clear that it was my private space).
These were things I did because I felt I had to, but I also felt deeply ashamed. I looked at others and couldn’t understand how they were so relaxed in big groups, didn’t need much time to themselves, and felt comfortable expressing themselves despite only being there a few days. Looking back now, it’s not unlikely that I was surrounded by at least a few other neurodivergent souls, probably wondering the very same things as me.
That experience in Thailand is a highlight of my life. I look back with fond memories of swimming in the sea every day, learning a new skill, and bonding with people who saw the world like I did. But I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like if I had understood that I was not broken or weird or crazy for feeling incredibly complex emotions and sensations despite fulfilling a dream of mine.
I was just autistic and had ADHD.
This upcoming trip to Florence is the third time I’ve travelled internationally since I found out I am neurodivergent. The first time was a complete disaster, and the second time was a learning curve. Of course, unexpected things happen and I can’t control the future, but this time I feel like I at least know what I need to do to accommodate myself the best I can.
So - the following are my tips for international travel for fellow neurodivergent souls (with a big caveat that these are the things I consider - we are all individual and have different needs and therefore these will not necessarily apply to everyone, nor be exhaustive). Take what you resonate with, leave what you don’t, and if you feel like it leave additional ideas in the comments. I hope this helps someone somewhere build their travel toolkit.
Planning
Destination - think about what destination suits your sensory needs and incorporates your interests.
Time of travel - if you can, think about travelling outside of typically busy times like during the week or outside of school holidays.
Research - look up travel, accommodation, food and entertainment options and use visual aids like photos and videos online to help mentally prepare.
Itinerary - consider if setting out an itinerary will help you. For example, I usually put together a timeline with the big ticket items for the trip including travel times, reservations, and rest breaks.
Write it down - consider printing out your research, itinerary, and copies of your tickets/reservations so you can show people what you mean in writing if you’re struggling to communicate verbally (e.g. telling a taxi driver the address of your accommodation).
Packing - create an ‘essentials’ packing list that you can refer to each time you travel. Here’s the one I made for city breaks if you’d like to use it yourself.
Medication - check you have enough medication for your trip ahead of time so you can re-order your prescription if necessary.
Brief companion - if you’re travelling with someone and they are someone you trust to look out for you give them a brief (verbally or in writing) of the ways in which they can help support you.
Calendar reminders - set calendar reminders for travel times, reservations, and any other important ‘to dos’ like checking you have enough medication.
Change-of-plan-protocol - create a plan for what you will do if something unexpected happens e.g. a changed flight. Is there somewhere safe you will go? Is there a comfort item you will pick up and hold? Will you need someone to process this information with verbally or in writing? If so, do they know to expect this and how to support you?
Travel
Assistance - notify your airline in advance that you have a hidden disability as they may be able to offer you priority boarding amongst other accommodations. Also check if the airport has a sensory room or ‘quiet’ area you can wait in.
Lanyard - wear a lanyard explaining you have a hidden disability. I usually wear this under my clothes so it’s easily accessible if I need to show it to anyone.
Familiarise - look up the airport and the airplane (or other transport) ahead of time, including pictures, videos, and floor plans, so you can familiarise yourself with the environment.
Extra time - plan for more time than you think you will need.
Food/snacks - think about what food you can take with you to minimise changes in routine and decision paralysis around food options.
Sensory toolkit - put together a few things you know you can turn to if you’re feeling sensorily overstimulated e.g. sunglasses, noise cancelling headphones, a hat.
Movement/stimming - take regular breaks to move and stim if you feel safe to do so e.g. I like to take a fidget toy, chewing gum, and do a lot of swaying when waiting.
Regulation - identify what nervous system regulation techniques work for you and do them at intervals when travelling. Some are more obvious than others, so two I particularly like for travelling are putting the palm of my hand on my chest and listening to music whilst closing my eyes, and focusing on box breathing.
Arrival
Reasonable expectations - consider what it is reasonable to expect of yourself when you first arrive. Are you likely to feel overstimulated and tired? What can you do to help you recover from travel and relax into your surroundings? How long can you expect this process to take? For me, the day of travel is a write-off - I just need rest - and the day after I have to take it slowly too.
Nesting - consider what you can do to make your accommodation feel like a safe place to rest. For example, I like to take a blanket and teddy that I sleep with every night, a lavender pillow mist, and a comfy outfit.
Interests - consider how you can interact with your interests whilst you are travelling. If your interest is not something that is particularly portable, is there another way you can interact with it whilst you’re away? For example, I love to play with my dog so I take lots of pictures and videos of him to look at and talk about him with my partner as much as I feel I want to.
Outside of these specifics the biggest thing I try to do for myself when I’m travelling is give myself a break. I can be so hard on myself (cough cough, internalised ableism) and find myself getting easily upset if I am struggling or not feeling great or can’t do as much as I had hoped.
But what’s the point of a holiday? For me, at least, it’s to give myself a break. To relax and enjoy myself as much as possible. To engage with interesting and exciting places and foods and art and people. To spend quality time with my loved ones.
So I try not to spend my holiday proving myself, pushing myself, or berating myself.
I let myself be the way I need to be to feel okay.
I give myself a break.
Sending you love, and I look forward to writing to you about Florence upon my return!
Charlie xoxo
I used to be a travel agent and then spent seven years travelling the world full time before arriving in Australia five years ago. I had a nightmare visa run just before the world shut down (just managed to get the last flight in but my name was spelt wrong and i almost missed it, the works), and then my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and I found out I was neurodivergent (AuDHD).
Since then, I struggle to even book flights even though I have to go back to the UK to see my family and my mum every year. I've been trying to book flights for my next trip back and to go to a friends wedding in Europe (which is in the middle of nowhere and involves transiting through two capital cities and a 6 hour train ride) for a week already and I keep getting anxious and psyching myself out of it. So many variables, so much emotion with visiting the family. So much stress. So much expense.
I miss the days when travel was fun and easy (or at least easier). Now I just feel broken and like I should be better at this. So thank you so much for sharing and writing this. I really needed to read it today, especially. Very much appreciate you! 💜
Just a quick add-on: you technically need a document issued by your doctor and signed by a government agency (central office for health insurance in the Netherlands) to take your ADHD meds with you when you travel, even within the EU or Schengen. It's because they're a controlled substance. I don't do it when I travel by car, but if I fly, I do. It would made me super nervous if they took my meds away going through security because I don't have the document. I googled "ADHD meds traveling" in my language (Dutch) to find out how it works in my country. It's quite annoying, because each document is only valid for the specific trip and my doctor makes me pay 10 € for it, which I find unfair. And it takes 2-6 weeks.