Loving for the sake of loving

"The pure and unadulterated love I healed in myself was ready for a recipient beyond my Self."

As we walked through the graveyard I felt something nudge the front of my right thigh. Looking down, Brody and I caught eyes - his soulful chestnut browns glinting in the Spring sun offering me a glimpse of his inner world. I took this as an invitation to reach my hand down for a sniff, which turned into a hug - his tall lanky body leaning against mine. The greyhound lean: an act of love.

We were quick to fall for each other. I had first met Brody fifteen minutes earlier as he emerged from the shelter with Josh, the owner, ready for his daily walk in the church grounds. Josh handed me the leads, quick to explain Brody’s muzzle was merely a safety measure for the local squirrels - after all, the main purpose of Brody’s life to date was to chase small fluffy things around a race track.

Brody has lived all of his four years of life in kennels. He was bred to race, and I’m told he enjoyed it while it lasted. But now, as a retired greyhound, he spends his days waiting to find his forever family. Josh and his team do an incredible job of looking after Brody and all 50+ other greyhounds they care for. He is fed, watered, walked (with the help of daily volunteers like me), housed, and loved.

But this is not what he knows. And this is not where he will end up. This place is transitory. I can’t help but wonder how Brody feels - whether he yearns for more, or if he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on. Either way, pouring my time and energy and love into him felt like it meant something in that moment he opened himself up to me in the graveyard. It felt like an act of trust.

I can’t pretend that my visit to the shelter was purely altruistic. I’m not sure any acts of service can be. I find pleasure in taking care of others, human or not - clarity and purpose in giving without expecting anything in return. It connects me to the life source: love.

But these past few years I have been at the centre of my world. Autistic burnout, various diagnoses, and trauma therapy have forced me to look inward. I had to learn to love myself, a work in progress that probably always will be, and I didn’t have the capacity to share that love with anything new outside of my friends and family. Recently, for whatever reason, I felt the urge to find new love again. To love someone or something for no reason other than that they exist. To connect human-to-animal or human-to-human or human-to-nature and put something else before myself.

It turns out people-pleasing is not an act of love. Knowing this now, I work hard to analyse my motive for doing things for other people or living things: is it because I want to please? Or is it ‘just because’? For Brody, it was just because. And, to me, that is love.

The pure and unadulterated love I healed in myself was ready for a new recipient beyond my Self.

So thank you, Brody, for letting me love you.