So, it turns out I'm autistic.

(yep, you read that right.)

Hi friend 👋

It’s been a minute!

I last wrote to you in November 2022.

Since then a lot has happened on this rewilding journey of mine…

🫶🏻 so, let’s catch up

Front and centre: I discovered that I am autistic.

I found out in August 2022 and it was all too fresh and wild to write about it here. So I just stopped writing.

If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that I have been talking about it a lot in video format.

And now, I finally feel ready to write about it too.

I don’t know what it is about the written word that felt too intimate at the time of my diagnosis. Perhaps because writing feels so final? And I was processing so much?

Well, I’m still processing. But I’ve taken some time to myself in my journals and now I feel ready to dig a little deeper and start writing again.

🌻 what’s next?

A big part of getting to know my autistic self is learning to respect myself (not something I am at all familiar with).

The practice of sharing parts of myself online is testing this.

I am, and always will be, an open-book. When it comes to my stories, I don’t think twice about sharing them to help others or forge connections.

But as I start to reach a wider audience via my social media I feel cautious about sharing my deep raw truths there.

I want to create a space online where I feel safe to share the depths of my ongoing rewilding journey with you. The journey so far, the ongoing process of finding out who I am, unmasking my autism, recovering from burnout, working out how to look after my needs, figuring out if and how I can work again, changing the way I approach life, forging new friendships, reconfiguring my expectations of life in light of my reality.

These occasional public letters are going to continue, no doubt about it.

But going forward I will also be offering a paid subscription for those who want to dig a little bit deeper with me. In a safe space.

It’s an organic idea I am developing as I go, but right now I see the paid subscription including:

• access to the full archives & additional subscriber-only letters

• access to my community-shaped Rewilding Podcast (I’m really excited about this; I get so many questions from you and I think this will be a great format in which to share candidly on topics that you want to hear more about)

• community chats, online events like body doubling & Q&As

Episode one of The Rewilding Podcast is already available for paid subscribers. You can hit the ‘subscribe now’ button below to get access and join the rewilding community:

If you choose to join the gang, I’ll look forward to seeing you on the other side! 🤗

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📖 reading

Since my diagnosis I have been reading A LOT about autism (no surprise, hey!).

There are a few books in particular that I have found really helpful, informative and reassuring. These are:

• Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price - the first book I read after my diagnosis and still my favourite so far. I shared my thoughts on this book in this video.

• Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg - this book endeavours to dispel widely held misconceptions about women ‘with high sensitivity, ADHD, autism, synesthesia and SPD’. Whilst it was a broadly eye-opening read early on in my journey when I really knew nothing about neurodivergence (hence why I’m including it here), I was put off by the generalisations the author makes between populations and the largely inaccessible advice they offer (e.g. just move house or quit your job). I personally think there are more inspiring and informative books out there but am including it here because it did help me understand the breadth of neurodivergence at the outset of my journey.

• Drama Queen by Sara Gibbs - I adored this book. Whipped through it. Sara is absolutely hilarious, and manages to balance her humour with sharing very touching and vulnerable parts of journey as a late-diagnosed autistic woman. A page-turner and hugely relatable.

• Different Not Less by Chloe Hayden - I’m still reeling over the fact Chloe signed my copy of her book when I went to see her speak in Ireland on my birthday in February! Chloe is as herself on the page of her book as she is on her social media and in interviews for the amazing work she does as an autistic advocate and actress. I loved that she used fairytale analogies to tell her story (a true reflection of her special interests in Disney). And she did not hold back from sharing the hard truths about her experiences.

(as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases made via these links)

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🎧 listening

• Fred… again - Fred was introduced to me by a dear friend with whom I share a big love of all things music. My absolute favourite track I am listening to on repeat at all hours is Julia (deep diving):

• My February 2023 ✨ Spotify playlist - I created a playlist of my favourite songs from February and it’s re-ignited a deep, deep joy I find in listening to and collecting music.

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📺 watching

• Christine McGuinness: Unmasking my Autism - I did not know of Christine McGuinness before this documentary, other than the previous documentary she made with her ex-husband about their journey with finding out that all three of their children are autistic. This documentary comes with warnings because of the heavy topics it covers, so be sure to check those before you watch it yourself. In my opinion, Christine is immensely brave for speaking so openly and honestly about her journey to finding out she is autistic at 33. I found it incredibly inspiring to see how much she had changed since the first documentary she made with her ex-husband. I thought she translated the feeling of stepping into her power after finding out why she had felt different all her life well. Throughout the documentary she meets and interviews various people who are either late-diagnosed themselves or work with autistic people to expand on topics such as mental health, eating disorders and abuse. My one criticism of the documentary is that I feel they could have done more research into what language is used and accepted by the autistic community as in places there were references to terms that are now outdated. That said, I think it is far more important to focus on how wonderful it is for people like Christine to speak up and raise awareness, than the mistakes or imperfections they show along the way.

• Inside Our Autistic Minds with Chris Packham - Chris is wonderful, isn’t he? It sounds simple, but I loved seeing Chris as an autistic person interviewing other autistic people with such understanding, ease and grace. I related so much to their communication styles. I loved the idea behind this documentary; bringing four autistic people’s inner worlds to life through story, film and graphics. I think it is probably the closest experience a neurotypical person could have to understanding what it is like to be autistic. And the documentary wonderfully exemplified that every autistic person’s experience of their autism is different.

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💀 burnout diaries

I started a vlog series on YouTube documenting my recovery from occupational and autistic burnout. I love making videos and really hope they offer a space for embracing rest and calm.

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Gosh, I’ve just realised I’ve not stopped typing. It’s funny how once I start, the words seem to flow! Starting really is the hardest part.

Until next time, take care.

Big love,

Charlie ❤️