You are such a talented writer, Charlie. I was invested in your opening story. I am definitely still in the filling myself with business vs. resting phase, but hoping I can find a better balance in the future. Thank you as always for sharing such a thought-provoking post.
Very true, I find it fascinating to watch how so few of us can cope with quiet or empty space in our days. I still, occasionally, feel uncomfortable with it too, when I've been busy for a few days and my brain got used to constant stimulation. But I know that I only can get ideas if I'm quiet, if I do nothing, so rest and sitting with discomfort is just non-negotiable!
I feel that way, too. I have a clear goal i want to reach and every minute i am not working on that goal feels just wasted. I hate myself so much when I am not working. Rest is not rest with all that hate. I still need to work on that.
Thank you for sharing Lythiah, this is very relatable (including the impact it can have on relationships). Self-compassion is such a huge lesson I am learning in letting go of beliefs I have around my worthiness as a human being directly linked to how productive I am.
Have to say Charlie, it’s so inspiring that you were able to check in with yourself that day and be compassionate toward yourself ❤️
Really resonate with this post, your thoughts around safety and rest. Self compassion is a real struggle for me. I only found out I have ASD in January and it’s still a very big work in progress for me to allow myself to rest and realise that I need this. After years of telling myself I should be able to do xyz. I’ve also started reading Gabor Mate’s new book ‘The Myth of of Normal’ and it’s making me think about what is viewed as normal. That I need to start looking at what is normal for me- hopefully without the harsh self critic and internalised ableism!
Thank you Jess, self-compassion is something I'm trying to work on! ❤️ As you share, it is SO hard when one considers the fact we have grown up in a society that links our worthiness to our productivity AND the fact that we are late-diagnosed. I haven't read 'The Myth of Normal', but a copy of it is sitting on my bookshelf so thank you for mentioning it! It sounds like an interesting read.
I had planned a day of rest and ‘going with the flow’ when it comes to what I want to do today. But when my partner just left for the day, thoughts of having to spend my day in a useful way and not needing to rest because I slept well, popped up.
Luckily a notification from substack popped up as well, and I read your post. And so now I’m back to resting, instead of cleaning the house and other things I told myself I should do while he’s gone. So thanks for the reminder, and being so open about your autistic experience. Reading your posts and watching your vlogs is helping me heal :)
👏👏👏 wonderful, Silvia! I totally relate to that example; before I realised my pattern, I used to subconsciously think that something had to get done whilst my husband was out or else what would I say i'd been up to when he got home?! He couldn't have cared less, so it was all internal pressure. But since I've let that go (not always, sometimes it creeps back in!), the times spent alone resting in my house when my husband is out have become really sacred to me! I hope you are having a lovely time to yourself, resting and finding a bit of peace.
This piece has been just the tonic I need right now. I am grappling with a season of extreme exhaustion coupled with a harsh dose of the spicy cough. I have been laid up in bed for 7 days & besides a little reading been able to do pretty much nothing else.
This exhaustion comes hot off the heels of a very busy 2022 where I alternated between sickness & ridiculously increasing work volumes. After all my clients NEEDED me & I dared not let them down.
I’ve been quietly pondering over the last couple of months on joy & abundance & noticing that what lit me up & sparked satisfaction & joy in my life has shifted. Dare I whisper to myself that maybe I just don’t enjoy what I do to the same extent anymore......
Lots to ponder over as I seek to rest more & do less.
Oh you poor thing Tiffany! I'm so sorry you've been sick this last while, on top of navigating exhaustion. I relate so strongly to the questions you are cautiously raising with yourself, which seem to become apparent during periods of transition and rest when I am forced to sit in the discomfort of my own silence and truly listen to myself. Thank you so much for sharing your present truth and the uncertainty of it all; it's a process, for sure, and it feels to me rest is both the catalyst and the product. Sending you best wishes for a continued recovery from your spicy cough! 🙏
"What if, then, a prerequisite to deep rest is developing a sense of internal safety? A process of learning how to get out of our heads and into our bodies? A journey of letting go of trying to control the future and trust in the safety of the present moment?" THIS! ❤️❤️❤️ Also, I'm so so happy to see breathing as one of your tools. Breathwork has been integral in learning to trust the present moment and through that embrace the act of just being. ❤️
You are such a talented writer, Charlie. I was invested in your opening story. I am definitely still in the filling myself with business vs. resting phase, but hoping I can find a better balance in the future. Thank you as always for sharing such a thought-provoking post.
Hunter! Thank you! This means a lot.
Very true, I find it fascinating to watch how so few of us can cope with quiet or empty space in our days. I still, occasionally, feel uncomfortable with it too, when I've been busy for a few days and my brain got used to constant stimulation. But I know that I only can get ideas if I'm quiet, if I do nothing, so rest and sitting with discomfort is just non-negotiable!
Dear Tamzin,
Comfort with discomfort. Indeed
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Humbly,
Rodrigo
Dear Charlie,
Your post reflects your deep self-awareness.
May you continue to let go of your former self, and reach forth unto your future self.
Humbly,
Rodrigo
Thank you Rodrigo, and the same to you.
I feel that way, too. I have a clear goal i want to reach and every minute i am not working on that goal feels just wasted. I hate myself so much when I am not working. Rest is not rest with all that hate. I still need to work on that.
Plus my relationship suffers heavily, too ...
Thank you for sharing Lythiah, this is very relatable (including the impact it can have on relationships). Self-compassion is such a huge lesson I am learning in letting go of beliefs I have around my worthiness as a human being directly linked to how productive I am.
Have to say Charlie, it’s so inspiring that you were able to check in with yourself that day and be compassionate toward yourself ❤️
Really resonate with this post, your thoughts around safety and rest. Self compassion is a real struggle for me. I only found out I have ASD in January and it’s still a very big work in progress for me to allow myself to rest and realise that I need this. After years of telling myself I should be able to do xyz. I’ve also started reading Gabor Mate’s new book ‘The Myth of of Normal’ and it’s making me think about what is viewed as normal. That I need to start looking at what is normal for me- hopefully without the harsh self critic and internalised ableism!
Thank you Jess, self-compassion is something I'm trying to work on! ❤️ As you share, it is SO hard when one considers the fact we have grown up in a society that links our worthiness to our productivity AND the fact that we are late-diagnosed. I haven't read 'The Myth of Normal', but a copy of it is sitting on my bookshelf so thank you for mentioning it! It sounds like an interesting read.
Really enjoyed this post! I teach all my clients grounding skills - they really change the way we experience ourselves and our bodies!
Thank you Rebecca!
What fundamental and brilliant progress to understand and begin to incorporate such healing practices into your life. 👏👏👏
I had planned a day of rest and ‘going with the flow’ when it comes to what I want to do today. But when my partner just left for the day, thoughts of having to spend my day in a useful way and not needing to rest because I slept well, popped up.
Luckily a notification from substack popped up as well, and I read your post. And so now I’m back to resting, instead of cleaning the house and other things I told myself I should do while he’s gone. So thanks for the reminder, and being so open about your autistic experience. Reading your posts and watching your vlogs is helping me heal :)
👏👏👏 wonderful, Silvia! I totally relate to that example; before I realised my pattern, I used to subconsciously think that something had to get done whilst my husband was out or else what would I say i'd been up to when he got home?! He couldn't have cared less, so it was all internal pressure. But since I've let that go (not always, sometimes it creeps back in!), the times spent alone resting in my house when my husband is out have become really sacred to me! I hope you are having a lovely time to yourself, resting and finding a bit of peace.
PS - isn’t Havening incredible!!!
I feel I've missed some vital breakthrough in rest! *Goes to Google 'Havening'*
😂 I only just discovered it! I really recommend the resource I linked in this post - it's a reel on IG that walks you through a very basic example.
It's such a balm! And I love that it's such a simple set of steps so I actually remember in the moment to do it!
This piece has been just the tonic I need right now. I am grappling with a season of extreme exhaustion coupled with a harsh dose of the spicy cough. I have been laid up in bed for 7 days & besides a little reading been able to do pretty much nothing else.
This exhaustion comes hot off the heels of a very busy 2022 where I alternated between sickness & ridiculously increasing work volumes. After all my clients NEEDED me & I dared not let them down.
I’ve been quietly pondering over the last couple of months on joy & abundance & noticing that what lit me up & sparked satisfaction & joy in my life has shifted. Dare I whisper to myself that maybe I just don’t enjoy what I do to the same extent anymore......
Lots to ponder over as I seek to rest more & do less.
Oh you poor thing Tiffany! I'm so sorry you've been sick this last while, on top of navigating exhaustion. I relate so strongly to the questions you are cautiously raising with yourself, which seem to become apparent during periods of transition and rest when I am forced to sit in the discomfort of my own silence and truly listen to myself. Thank you so much for sharing your present truth and the uncertainty of it all; it's a process, for sure, and it feels to me rest is both the catalyst and the product. Sending you best wishes for a continued recovery from your spicy cough! 🙏
"What if, then, a prerequisite to deep rest is developing a sense of internal safety? A process of learning how to get out of our heads and into our bodies? A journey of letting go of trying to control the future and trust in the safety of the present moment?" THIS! ❤️❤️❤️ Also, I'm so so happy to see breathing as one of your tools. Breathwork has been integral in learning to trust the present moment and through that embrace the act of just being. ❤️
This is a great point, rest looks different for all of us!