I’m sorry to see that you went through one of these too. When you can, check out “dorsal vagal shutdown.” In our parasympathetic nervous system we have two branches: central vagal, which is feeling chill, social, “rest and digest” and dorsal vagal - freeze and collapse. Once I understood this from a nervous system perspective I got what was at the heart of my experiences from 2020-2023.
Autistic burnout is heralded by too much stress for too long without adequate supports of breaks. The nervous system can only be in fight or flight for so long, and it collapses - dorsal vagal shutdown. It is the NS’s last ditch effort for survival, and places us on a “backup generator” of basic necessities only - so it makes sense that our grand efforts towards exercise, masking, our careers etc go by the wayside.
It’s true that we autistic folk are way more likely to experience this because a) we’re constantly being told to match the pace / ambitions / workload etc of neurotypical society, and ensure the sensory onslaught and b) we ourselves have a hard time setting personal limits because once we get passionate about something, we’re lost to it and forget to care for ourselves properly.
So the best thing we can do is learn to set limits and boundaries (inner and outer) to learn what works for us in a sustainable way, over time. Easier said than done!
Hi Charlie, thanks for sharing so much of what you’ve been going through. It sounds like you’ve experienced a massive shift, for good and for bad.
I write on autistic perimenopause and I just wanted to flag that you may be in the early stages. I’m so pleased you already know about perimenopause, and you are an expert on yourself as an autistic, but so few know anything at all about how autistic perimenopause causes a state akin to burnout, highlighted by regressive bouts to our functioning and capacity.
Age is somewhat irrelevant as we can enter perimenopause at any age. It’s not all about hot flushes and a dry vag. It’s a total shift in who we are as a person, and questioning everything.
The reason I advocate to raise awareness is that autistic midlife females are at three times greater risk of death than non-autistics at this time. This is linked to our much higher chance of suicidality because of the shame of this regression, feeling like a burden, thinking we are losing our minds etc. It’s a very frightening time, and I am building community around it over at my Substack, which I would love for you to take a look at if it sounds relevant.
Even if this isn’t peri yet for you, although it begins so insidiously for autistics and we are extremely hypersensitive to early changes that NTs might not notice, it is inevitable. So hopefully you will know what to expect in advance, which puts you in a much safer position than many.
Thanks for candidly sharing your personal experiences of autistic burnout and your recovery 💕
Hi Charlie- I think I'm coming out of something similar. I've followed you for awhile, and now need to back track and read the parts I've missed-
I want to add this encouragement- in my mid-fifties I hit the best condition of my life, after a life of being fairly active.
And the warning that you seem to have already encountered. Pay attention to what inide voice is motivating you. If it's the bully (mine loved to point out my under-arm wiggle-waggle) deal with them, but don't let them steer the boat. Mine ran me into burnout.
They have something to offer, they mask a fear.
Cultivate self-kindness like a garden of bright jewels. Today that kindness got you back on the treadmill. Yay!
Never been a runner (have tried jogging countless times but always give up), but have stuck to daily dog walks for 10+ years and, more recently, regular Pilates at home. I use YouTube videos from The Girl With The Pilates Mat. Love what you said about caring about your health, not what size jeans you wear - that hits different when I wore too-small jeans yesterday 🤦🏼♀️
Hi Charlie, thank you for all that you do! This comment does not relate so much to the content of what you wrote here (Although I recognize this urge to get a grip on life through the means of food and excersize all too well), but I mainly wanted to send you some appreciation for your online presence. As I saw this newsletter in my mailbox I noticed I wanted to 'save it' to read it for later, with a cup of tea on my laptop instead of reading it quickly whilst standing in line at the supermarket, which is where I got the notification. This made me realise the influence your news letter has had on my own use of social media and my phone: I use way less of it now! And create so much more now. So thanks for that!
Love this. Ironically (as you know) I’m going through almost the opposite journey at the moment- trying to introduce consistent movement into my day to day life for the first time ever.
Despite that, there are so many common themes here, especially that bloody black and white thinking!
Hopefully once I get 🤞 my EDS diagnosis I might get some specific support but the best advice I have been given so far was from a persistent pain clinician who really highlighted the link between autistic burnout, chronic pain and low immunity.
His advice was to take it so slow I feel like I’m not doing enough and build up incredibly gradually from there. A good lesson in self compassion!
YAY for recovering from burnout!!! Hearing that is giving me hope. I definitely needed to read this post now- I’m struggling with a lot of the same physical issues related to long-term burnout. I’m going to set a goal to stretch more often.
Thank You Charlie...My husband is suffering from Autistic Burnout and I have been dealing with chronic fatigue so I found this article very validating...Thank You! x
Thanks for taking the time to write this Charlie. I’m really pleased you’re experiencing your reframing of your body and movement. All power to you and the work you’ve been doing. Plus thanks as always for sharing with us 🙏🏻
This post took me back to when I’d accepted I was burnt out and kept on coming back to exercise as a way to help me. Whilst this may be a useful approach for some people, I also remember a clear knowing voice that told me that the experience of exercise would feel like the stress/anxiety/overwhelm I was constantly experiencing and trying to avoid. To engage in exercise at that time would have been me reverting back to my ‘pre-acceptance self’ and pushing myself to do what I thought I could and should be doing. It might have been the first time I clearly heard the voice of my body! Body did she ring clear 😆
The key thing at the time was that physiologically my body told me increasing my heart rate would feel like a threat. As I’d been unconsciously living in a state of fight and flight for years I didn’t need more of the same. And now I was in freeze a lot of the time too, a physical push wasn’t the compassion my body needed. It led me to learn about somatics and window of tolerance which has opened up a world of sensations I’d been consciously/unconsciously(?) repressing. It’s also helped to teach me to check in with my body and see what she needs when it comes to exercise. Not something I’d done before, and I’d agree, definitely a way of loving my self.
I started by doing exercise that felt safe and fun. For me that was dancing. So whatever tune came to mind in the morning I popped it on Spotify and listened to the next three songs it chose (so kinda spontaneous and random) and moved my body however I wanted. I’d love to say I’ve kept this up but I’m not great with routines 😂 but it did get my body over a line it had drawn in the sand to keep me safe. I’m slowly figuring out what my next safe exercise is to do.
Thanks again for sharing your writing, it really helps me reflect on my experiences and feels like I’m connected to a friend figuring out similar things. Wishing you luck with your treadmill and me with my next experiment xx
I’ve recently started my fitness journey again and for the first time ever it’s not to be skinnier or more attractive but to feel stronger, more active and healthier; I just want to take care of myself and feel like my body is a part of me that I’m taking care of, and as a result, this is the first time in my life that I’m enjoying doing exercise. Thank you for sharing your story. Mine is different on some levels, but I really resonated with it 💙
Charlie, yet again you have given us the gift of true and honest human connection through your writing. This piece really moved me with its clear-eyed observation and honed writing. I also relate to ADHD-fueled inconsistency with exercise, and am so glad that you were able to get on the treadmill just for today - no matter what tomorrow's motivating movement will be. Sending you love across the interwebs and the ocean.
I think it’s probably a good thing you stopped moving your body so intensely when you burnt out, because it needed a rest too. I once read that it’s good to not workout (intensely) when you’re in (the first stages of) burnout, as your body isn’t as capable to do the recovery it needs to do after such exercise.
I so get the frustration though. I was never very fit, but it was so hard to take when I suddenly felt like an 80 year old walking up the stairs when I was in fact in my late twenties (30 now) after getting long Covid on top of severe autistic burnout.
On the upside, I now value my physical health and fitness much more. I still find it hard to get into/maintain an exercising habit, so I’m taking tiny steps. It’s all about keeping it (or getting it back into) motion, no matter the pace!
‘Moving my body was the last thing on my mind’. This really landed with me.
I have always been a very active person. I trained as a dancer with the intention of making it my career - but had to drop out of dance school due to what I now realise was burnout and my fibromyalgia. I then trained to become a personal trainer and the gym became my life - and ran a PT business for 7 years.
Then my ‘great autistic burnout’ hit me and it made my fibromyalgia significantly worse. My relationship with movement has changed significantly because honestly I feel as though I’ve just been fighting to stay afloat and exercise was the last thing on my mind, like you say.
It’s only now - after 2/3 years - that I’m starting to reintroduce structured movement into my routine. And it is HARD not only because of my ADHD but because of the unpredictability of my fibromyalgia.
Charlie, Thanks for sharing so honestly about your struggles with your physical strength and stamina due to autistic burnout. I've always pushed myself too much and also have trouble with consistency when it comes to exercise. As you say, we need to take all our neurodivergent factors into consideration and be kind to ourselves to regain whatever we can from what we've lost.
I’m sorry to see that you went through one of these too. When you can, check out “dorsal vagal shutdown.” In our parasympathetic nervous system we have two branches: central vagal, which is feeling chill, social, “rest and digest” and dorsal vagal - freeze and collapse. Once I understood this from a nervous system perspective I got what was at the heart of my experiences from 2020-2023.
Autistic burnout is heralded by too much stress for too long without adequate supports of breaks. The nervous system can only be in fight or flight for so long, and it collapses - dorsal vagal shutdown. It is the NS’s last ditch effort for survival, and places us on a “backup generator” of basic necessities only - so it makes sense that our grand efforts towards exercise, masking, our careers etc go by the wayside.
It’s true that we autistic folk are way more likely to experience this because a) we’re constantly being told to match the pace / ambitions / workload etc of neurotypical society, and ensure the sensory onslaught and b) we ourselves have a hard time setting personal limits because once we get passionate about something, we’re lost to it and forget to care for ourselves properly.
So the best thing we can do is learn to set limits and boundaries (inner and outer) to learn what works for us in a sustainable way, over time. Easier said than done!
I’m in a very similar headspace as you and physical space too. Thank you for sharing this—your solidarity keeps me company ❤️
Hi Charlie, thanks for sharing so much of what you’ve been going through. It sounds like you’ve experienced a massive shift, for good and for bad.
I write on autistic perimenopause and I just wanted to flag that you may be in the early stages. I’m so pleased you already know about perimenopause, and you are an expert on yourself as an autistic, but so few know anything at all about how autistic perimenopause causes a state akin to burnout, highlighted by regressive bouts to our functioning and capacity.
Age is somewhat irrelevant as we can enter perimenopause at any age. It’s not all about hot flushes and a dry vag. It’s a total shift in who we are as a person, and questioning everything.
The reason I advocate to raise awareness is that autistic midlife females are at three times greater risk of death than non-autistics at this time. This is linked to our much higher chance of suicidality because of the shame of this regression, feeling like a burden, thinking we are losing our minds etc. It’s a very frightening time, and I am building community around it over at my Substack, which I would love for you to take a look at if it sounds relevant.
Even if this isn’t peri yet for you, although it begins so insidiously for autistics and we are extremely hypersensitive to early changes that NTs might not notice, it is inevitable. So hopefully you will know what to expect in advance, which puts you in a much safer position than many.
Thanks for candidly sharing your personal experiences of autistic burnout and your recovery 💕
Hi Charlie- I think I'm coming out of something similar. I've followed you for awhile, and now need to back track and read the parts I've missed-
I want to add this encouragement- in my mid-fifties I hit the best condition of my life, after a life of being fairly active.
And the warning that you seem to have already encountered. Pay attention to what inide voice is motivating you. If it's the bully (mine loved to point out my under-arm wiggle-waggle) deal with them, but don't let them steer the boat. Mine ran me into burnout.
They have something to offer, they mask a fear.
Cultivate self-kindness like a garden of bright jewels. Today that kindness got you back on the treadmill. Yay!
Thanks for sharing your journey!
Never been a runner (have tried jogging countless times but always give up), but have stuck to daily dog walks for 10+ years and, more recently, regular Pilates at home. I use YouTube videos from The Girl With The Pilates Mat. Love what you said about caring about your health, not what size jeans you wear - that hits different when I wore too-small jeans yesterday 🤦🏼♀️
Hi Charlie, thank you for all that you do! This comment does not relate so much to the content of what you wrote here (Although I recognize this urge to get a grip on life through the means of food and excersize all too well), but I mainly wanted to send you some appreciation for your online presence. As I saw this newsletter in my mailbox I noticed I wanted to 'save it' to read it for later, with a cup of tea on my laptop instead of reading it quickly whilst standing in line at the supermarket, which is where I got the notification. This made me realise the influence your news letter has had on my own use of social media and my phone: I use way less of it now! And create so much more now. So thanks for that!
I very much identified with this article. Thank you for sharing the links!
Love this. Ironically (as you know) I’m going through almost the opposite journey at the moment- trying to introduce consistent movement into my day to day life for the first time ever.
Despite that, there are so many common themes here, especially that bloody black and white thinking!
Hopefully once I get 🤞 my EDS diagnosis I might get some specific support but the best advice I have been given so far was from a persistent pain clinician who really highlighted the link between autistic burnout, chronic pain and low immunity.
His advice was to take it so slow I feel like I’m not doing enough and build up incredibly gradually from there. A good lesson in self compassion!
YAY for recovering from burnout!!! Hearing that is giving me hope. I definitely needed to read this post now- I’m struggling with a lot of the same physical issues related to long-term burnout. I’m going to set a goal to stretch more often.
Thank You Charlie...My husband is suffering from Autistic Burnout and I have been dealing with chronic fatigue so I found this article very validating...Thank You! x
Thanks for taking the time to write this Charlie. I’m really pleased you’re experiencing your reframing of your body and movement. All power to you and the work you’ve been doing. Plus thanks as always for sharing with us 🙏🏻
This post took me back to when I’d accepted I was burnt out and kept on coming back to exercise as a way to help me. Whilst this may be a useful approach for some people, I also remember a clear knowing voice that told me that the experience of exercise would feel like the stress/anxiety/overwhelm I was constantly experiencing and trying to avoid. To engage in exercise at that time would have been me reverting back to my ‘pre-acceptance self’ and pushing myself to do what I thought I could and should be doing. It might have been the first time I clearly heard the voice of my body! Body did she ring clear 😆
The key thing at the time was that physiologically my body told me increasing my heart rate would feel like a threat. As I’d been unconsciously living in a state of fight and flight for years I didn’t need more of the same. And now I was in freeze a lot of the time too, a physical push wasn’t the compassion my body needed. It led me to learn about somatics and window of tolerance which has opened up a world of sensations I’d been consciously/unconsciously(?) repressing. It’s also helped to teach me to check in with my body and see what she needs when it comes to exercise. Not something I’d done before, and I’d agree, definitely a way of loving my self.
I started by doing exercise that felt safe and fun. For me that was dancing. So whatever tune came to mind in the morning I popped it on Spotify and listened to the next three songs it chose (so kinda spontaneous and random) and moved my body however I wanted. I’d love to say I’ve kept this up but I’m not great with routines 😂 but it did get my body over a line it had drawn in the sand to keep me safe. I’m slowly figuring out what my next safe exercise is to do.
Thanks again for sharing your writing, it really helps me reflect on my experiences and feels like I’m connected to a friend figuring out similar things. Wishing you luck with your treadmill and me with my next experiment xx
I’ve recently started my fitness journey again and for the first time ever it’s not to be skinnier or more attractive but to feel stronger, more active and healthier; I just want to take care of myself and feel like my body is a part of me that I’m taking care of, and as a result, this is the first time in my life that I’m enjoying doing exercise. Thank you for sharing your story. Mine is different on some levels, but I really resonated with it 💙
Charlie, yet again you have given us the gift of true and honest human connection through your writing. This piece really moved me with its clear-eyed observation and honed writing. I also relate to ADHD-fueled inconsistency with exercise, and am so glad that you were able to get on the treadmill just for today - no matter what tomorrow's motivating movement will be. Sending you love across the interwebs and the ocean.
I think it’s probably a good thing you stopped moving your body so intensely when you burnt out, because it needed a rest too. I once read that it’s good to not workout (intensely) when you’re in (the first stages of) burnout, as your body isn’t as capable to do the recovery it needs to do after such exercise.
I so get the frustration though. I was never very fit, but it was so hard to take when I suddenly felt like an 80 year old walking up the stairs when I was in fact in my late twenties (30 now) after getting long Covid on top of severe autistic burnout.
On the upside, I now value my physical health and fitness much more. I still find it hard to get into/maintain an exercising habit, so I’m taking tiny steps. It’s all about keeping it (or getting it back into) motion, no matter the pace!
‘Moving my body was the last thing on my mind’. This really landed with me.
I have always been a very active person. I trained as a dancer with the intention of making it my career - but had to drop out of dance school due to what I now realise was burnout and my fibromyalgia. I then trained to become a personal trainer and the gym became my life - and ran a PT business for 7 years.
Then my ‘great autistic burnout’ hit me and it made my fibromyalgia significantly worse. My relationship with movement has changed significantly because honestly I feel as though I’ve just been fighting to stay afloat and exercise was the last thing on my mind, like you say.
It’s only now - after 2/3 years - that I’m starting to reintroduce structured movement into my routine. And it is HARD not only because of my ADHD but because of the unpredictability of my fibromyalgia.
We can only do our best 🩷
Charlie, Thanks for sharing so honestly about your struggles with your physical strength and stamina due to autistic burnout. I've always pushed myself too much and also have trouble with consistency when it comes to exercise. As you say, we need to take all our neurodivergent factors into consideration and be kind to ourselves to regain whatever we can from what we've lost.