Fellow humans! Welcome to our first Community Thread - a space for you to ask fellow members of this community your burning questions! I've been doing monthly Q&As up until now and whilst they won't disappear entirely (I'm thinking of making them quarterly) I think it would be beneficial if a wider segment of our voices are heard in response to questions submitted by readers. Whether it’s about burnout, neurodiversity, creativity, friendship, work, rest, self-acceptance, self-care - any of the stuff we discuss at Rewild on the reg - this is the space to do it as a community.
is doing the honours of kicking us off (thank you Casper!):
Do you have problems with sleep and if so, have you identified what adds to / creates poor sleep? Conversely what have you found that works for you to aid in getting 'good' sleep?
This is a subscriber-only thread for us all to reflect, journal, and share about our experiences, and collect tips and tricks from others too. I encourage you to chat with each other as much as you like, and enjoy getting to know one another - this space will be what we make it! :)
I love the topic of sleep & neurodiversity. I'm self-diagnosed autistic (and I was a therapist for years, so I feel very confident in my self-diagnosis, even though not everyone I know agrees...sigh...I'm sure many of you can relate). Anyway, I have struggled with sleep my entire life. When I learned last year that many autistic people struggle with sleep (to a much greater degree than neurotypicals), I went in to talk with a sleep neurologist. Apparently I have Sleep Apnea and Idiopathic Hypersomnia....I am exhausted & experienced brain fog almost constantly, regardless of how much sleep I get. I received those sleep disorder diagnoses in January of this year, so I am still navigating my coping skills. But, taking daily naps helps me manage my mental health, even if it doesn't make me any less tired. And having a therapist to work through the heaviness of it all is really helpful too. I had three therapy intakes before I found the therapist I work with now...she has been so empathetic about my sleep issues. When I told her about my self-diagnosis of autism, she said "me too." I cried a lot. It has been such a beautiful experience to have a therapist who is also autistic and is able to hold the space for my sleep woes.
I will come back to this more fully but I read this here (Substack) the other day and sent it to my therapist who liked the idea/approach. It talks to how many of us need to be given structure/routine and how many of us perhaps never had it and now struggle even more.
I'm currently working on identifying my Autistic Demand Avoidance (potential PDA sometimes) habits that work against this but wanted to share for it to be mused on 😊
My single biggest problem in getting to sleep is my ADHD struggle to just start the routine. If I can begin, I can go to bed. But I can't count the number of times I've just sat for hours, doing nothing in particular, because it was too hard to climb the stairs and brush my teeth. Frustrating!
I have learned that I need to give myself waking time to attend to my interests and rest, otherwise I do a lot of "revenge procrastination" about bedtime. This also applies to urgent work, though sometimes the answer there is to tell myself sleep is not optional and whoever needed the thing will have to get it in the morning, same way they would have done had I worked late into the night.
Sylvia, I love the framing of “revenge procrastination!” I definitely find myself getting really grumpy if I don’t have time to do all the things I want to do after I’ve done the things I have to do. As Charlie said, body doubling definitely works wonders in our house! My husband is better at going to bed at night, and I’m better at getting up in the morning, so we do those things together, and it helps us both :-)
I feel like, at least in my family of origin, there was a lot of stigma around “doing everything together,” or “not being independent.” That’s definitely an internalized bias I’ve had to overcome- and it’s still a struggle sometimes.
I definitely agree with Natasha and Lily. I sleep much better if I’ve had some physical activity (especially outside in the fresh air) at some point during the day. And I love Calm sleep stories and similar things- or sometimes an old favorite audio book played at half speed to just slow my brain down to sleep.
The other thing that often keeps me up or wakes me up is digestive issues- so I try not to eat or drink anything in the couple of hours before bed, and that seems to help!
Also the routine thing, Casper. My husband (also neurodivergent) is a champion of turning everything off, brushing his teeth, and going to bed to read at the same time every night. I’ve added a little stretching into that routine, and if we’re both going through it together, it makes it easier to stick to :-)
omg I'm soooo terrible at going to bed at the same time each night -my routine consists of brushing my teeth and face and then hopping into bed and hoping for the best. I doubt that would even happen if I didn't have the prompt from my hubby that it's time to wind down
I sleep best after a busy day of dog walking, or on my days off a bit of yoga has similar benefits of making my body feel tired and heavy under my weighted blanket. I try not to look at my phone for at least 30 minutes, although I do use YouTube because I've discovered Sleepy Cat meditations and these nearly always work for me. They start off reminding you to do the breathing techniques, and then tell you a gentle immersive story (💯 non stimulating) with soothing sounds - works nearly every time for me. I had some soft headband earphones for Christmas and these are fantastic..
soft headband earphones?! okay this might change the game for me... I love listening to meditations before I go to sleep but I've not been able to because I don't want to wake my husband and I'd rather just fall asleep once it's done as opposed to have to take out my headphones and put them away and THEN go to sleep. It looks like these ones you got for Christmas solve all those issues! Thank you for sharing about them Natasha.
Yes they do - and ever since I was very little I've liked having something (a sheet etc) on my ears - originally to protect me from the monsters... and 50 years later I've found the perfect thing 😊
I also have soft headband earphones, and they are wonderful! There are lots of different varieties of soft eyemask/ headphone combos out there to try. I definitely leave mine on all night. So when I inevitably wake up and have trouble getting back to sleep, I can just put my sleep stories back on again and distract my brain enough to drift back off.
The most important lesson for me - and this is timely as I had an unusually difficult time getting to sleep last night - is that when I’m struggling to get to sleep or to stay asleep, I should just chill out about it. Put on a podcast and listen or read a book, instead of staring at the ceiling getting increasingly hot and bothered.
Ooo I try to do this too - I know they say you should stay away from screens but if my nightmares are bad or I'm particularly struggling to concentrate on anything but the fact I'm not asleep I will get a cup of camomile tea and put on an episode of one of my favourite TV shows and more often than not by the end of that I'm falling asleep again.
I’ve never had much of a problem falling asleep, but does anyone else have a problem waking up at 4-5 am and not being able to get back to sleep? Usually it’s not because of a bad dream, and I’m able to lie there calmly in half sleep, but the last few months it’s been brutal. I’m thinking it might be menopause, but 🤷🏻♀️.
Also, anyone else have a problem with naps? I’m someone who needs at least an hour nap or I’m even more tired. I’m also afraid that napping will make it harder to fall asleep. Who would think sleep would be so complicated?!
🙋🏻♀️ yes to waking up at 4/5am, and my mum is the exact same too! It's rough because my brain always goes 'ah well, only a couple of hours until the morning so might as well stay awake' 😂 I also feel all around so much better if I DO nap (I just often forget it's the first thing I should do if I'm grumpy or overstimulated or generally feeling blue).
Yep I get this and then my brain switches on and starts running at full pelt, usually about something completely random, so I’ll stay awake until about 30 minutes before my morning alarm is due to go off and then I fall back asleep 🤦🏼♀️
I think I've mentioned this before but it's not so much a problem of getting to sleep, but staying asleep. I frequently wake up in the middle of the night and my mind is racing about this, that or the other thing. Usually what helps me is getting a glass of milk, going to the bathroom, and--this is the wild part--reading a twenty-four year old profile from Vanity Fair of the filmmaker John Hughes. Some might call my interest in Hughes an "autistic special interest" but I think that term is kind of infantilizing (what's wrong with passions?), and usually I go right back to sleep. If not, then I just get up, or read and write out whatever the hell is on my mind on my Kindle Scribe tablet and then tell myself--in writing--to go back to sleep.
I love the topic of sleep & neurodiversity. I'm self-diagnosed autistic (and I was a therapist for years, so I feel very confident in my self-diagnosis, even though not everyone I know agrees...sigh...I'm sure many of you can relate). Anyway, I have struggled with sleep my entire life. When I learned last year that many autistic people struggle with sleep (to a much greater degree than neurotypicals), I went in to talk with a sleep neurologist. Apparently I have Sleep Apnea and Idiopathic Hypersomnia....I am exhausted & experienced brain fog almost constantly, regardless of how much sleep I get. I received those sleep disorder diagnoses in January of this year, so I am still navigating my coping skills. But, taking daily naps helps me manage my mental health, even if it doesn't make me any less tired. And having a therapist to work through the heaviness of it all is really helpful too. I had three therapy intakes before I found the therapist I work with now...she has been so empathetic about my sleep issues. When I told her about my self-diagnosis of autism, she said "me too." I cried a lot. It has been such a beautiful experience to have a therapist who is also autistic and is able to hold the space for my sleep woes.
Echo Natasha! It must be incredibly validating and healing for a professional to hold space for you and your challenges like that. 🥰
Your therapist sounds lovely 🥰
I will come back to this more fully but I read this here (Substack) the other day and sent it to my therapist who liked the idea/approach. It talks to how many of us need to be given structure/routine and how many of us perhaps never had it and now struggle even more.
https://open.substack.com/pub/rojospinks/p/how-i-taught-myself-to-go-to-sleep
I'm currently working on identifying my Autistic Demand Avoidance (potential PDA sometimes) habits that work against this but wanted to share for it to be mused on 😊
"Turns out we're all just big toddlers" --- ummm, yep!! That's exactly how I feel!!
Exactly this - I need gold stars on a sticker chart but someone has to give them, I can't just give them to myself 😆🙃
haha!!! my 11 year old says this to me often, and I feel this often myself
My single biggest problem in getting to sleep is my ADHD struggle to just start the routine. If I can begin, I can go to bed. But I can't count the number of times I've just sat for hours, doing nothing in particular, because it was too hard to climb the stairs and brush my teeth. Frustrating!
I have learned that I need to give myself waking time to attend to my interests and rest, otherwise I do a lot of "revenge procrastination" about bedtime. This also applies to urgent work, though sometimes the answer there is to tell myself sleep is not optional and whoever needed the thing will have to get it in the morning, same way they would have done had I worked late into the night.
this is soooo me. Caitlin just mentioned body doubling as a way of winding down which I'm going to try.
Sylvia, I love the framing of “revenge procrastination!” I definitely find myself getting really grumpy if I don’t have time to do all the things I want to do after I’ve done the things I have to do. As Charlie said, body doubling definitely works wonders in our house! My husband is better at going to bed at night, and I’m better at getting up in the morning, so we do those things together, and it helps us both :-)
I feel like, at least in my family of origin, there was a lot of stigma around “doing everything together,” or “not being independent.” That’s definitely an internalized bias I’ve had to overcome- and it’s still a struggle sometimes.
I definitely agree with Natasha and Lily. I sleep much better if I’ve had some physical activity (especially outside in the fresh air) at some point during the day. And I love Calm sleep stories and similar things- or sometimes an old favorite audio book played at half speed to just slow my brain down to sleep.
The other thing that often keeps me up or wakes me up is digestive issues- so I try not to eat or drink anything in the couple of hours before bed, and that seems to help!
Also the routine thing, Casper. My husband (also neurodivergent) is a champion of turning everything off, brushing his teeth, and going to bed to read at the same time every night. I’ve added a little stretching into that routine, and if we’re both going through it together, it makes it easier to stick to :-)
omg I'm soooo terrible at going to bed at the same time each night -my routine consists of brushing my teeth and face and then hopping into bed and hoping for the best. I doubt that would even happen if I didn't have the prompt from my hubby that it's time to wind down
I sleep best after a busy day of dog walking, or on my days off a bit of yoga has similar benefits of making my body feel tired and heavy under my weighted blanket. I try not to look at my phone for at least 30 minutes, although I do use YouTube because I've discovered Sleepy Cat meditations and these nearly always work for me. They start off reminding you to do the breathing techniques, and then tell you a gentle immersive story (💯 non stimulating) with soothing sounds - works nearly every time for me. I had some soft headband earphones for Christmas and these are fantastic..
soft headband earphones?! okay this might change the game for me... I love listening to meditations before I go to sleep but I've not been able to because I don't want to wake my husband and I'd rather just fall asleep once it's done as opposed to have to take out my headphones and put them away and THEN go to sleep. It looks like these ones you got for Christmas solve all those issues! Thank you for sharing about them Natasha.
Yes they do - and ever since I was very little I've liked having something (a sheet etc) on my ears - originally to protect me from the monsters... and 50 years later I've found the perfect thing 😊
😀 dual-purpose, I love it
I also have soft headband earphones, and they are wonderful! There are lots of different varieties of soft eyemask/ headphone combos out there to try. I definitely leave mine on all night. So when I inevitably wake up and have trouble getting back to sleep, I can just put my sleep stories back on again and distract my brain enough to drift back off.
Wow, that's so smart Caitlin, I'm feeling hopeful about this tool!
Do you keep the soft headband earphones on all night? It looks like some of them double up as eye masks too!
The most important lesson for me - and this is timely as I had an unusually difficult time getting to sleep last night - is that when I’m struggling to get to sleep or to stay asleep, I should just chill out about it. Put on a podcast and listen or read a book, instead of staring at the ceiling getting increasingly hot and bothered.
Ooo I try to do this too - I know they say you should stay away from screens but if my nightmares are bad or I'm particularly struggling to concentrate on anything but the fact I'm not asleep I will get a cup of camomile tea and put on an episode of one of my favourite TV shows and more often than not by the end of that I'm falling asleep again.
My secret weapon for that is to listen to old episodes of Just A Minute (I bought a collection of them on Audible)!
Oh wow you just transported me back to being young and in the back of my parents car wrapped up in Just A Minute! That's a great idea.
I’ve never had much of a problem falling asleep, but does anyone else have a problem waking up at 4-5 am and not being able to get back to sleep? Usually it’s not because of a bad dream, and I’m able to lie there calmly in half sleep, but the last few months it’s been brutal. I’m thinking it might be menopause, but 🤷🏻♀️.
Also, anyone else have a problem with naps? I’m someone who needs at least an hour nap or I’m even more tired. I’m also afraid that napping will make it harder to fall asleep. Who would think sleep would be so complicated?!
🙋🏻♀️ yes to waking up at 4/5am, and my mum is the exact same too! It's rough because my brain always goes 'ah well, only a couple of hours until the morning so might as well stay awake' 😂 I also feel all around so much better if I DO nap (I just often forget it's the first thing I should do if I'm grumpy or overstimulated or generally feeling blue).
Yep I get this and then my brain switches on and starts running at full pelt, usually about something completely random, so I’ll stay awake until about 30 minutes before my morning alarm is due to go off and then I fall back asleep 🤦🏼♀️
I think I've mentioned this before but it's not so much a problem of getting to sleep, but staying asleep. I frequently wake up in the middle of the night and my mind is racing about this, that or the other thing. Usually what helps me is getting a glass of milk, going to the bathroom, and--this is the wild part--reading a twenty-four year old profile from Vanity Fair of the filmmaker John Hughes. Some might call my interest in Hughes an "autistic special interest" but I think that term is kind of infantilizing (what's wrong with passions?), and usually I go right back to sleep. If not, then I just get up, or read and write out whatever the hell is on my mind on my Kindle Scribe tablet and then tell myself--in writing--to go back to sleep.