And this is why I love reading your posts when I have the spoons. This is an experience I've not been able to articulate before, and as a result have felt very alone. It's only recently that I've realised it is in fact just another form of masking rooted very deeply within, and that realistically it doesn't fix everything (if anything , it causes more discomfort because of sensory issues).
I especially like when you say "but repetitive and obsessive thoughts are debilitating no matter the topic." That is extremely true.
Funnily enough, your post has come at the perfect time as it's only recently that I have began to contemplate how I've masked through use of clothing/appearance.
I'm so glad you now know you're not alone in this Liv - it doesn't make it any easier or clearer but I definitely find it comforting to know that it's a shared experience and I hope you do too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, this whole masking thing is more engrained than I ever imagined!
I have definitely dressed carefully over the years to protect myself from appearing to be different. I made so many fashion mistakes at school (even though there was a school uniform for f's sake!!!) and I was teased for my lack of sense of fashion!! My Mum, who I now realise is also autistic, was completely oblivious and insisted that I wore the standard M&S uniform and sensible shoes whilst all the other girls were in pencil split skirts with healed pointy shoes (it was the 80s). I detested turning up every day looking so different!
Even now at 53 I still look around to see what everyone else is wearing before making a purchase! Maybe at 60 I'll be over it!!
Gosh it's such a journey isn't it! Don't get me wrong, I very much still look at what everyone else is wearing. It's such an ingrained habit. But I guess the fact we are even aware of this means that we are giving ourselves the opportunity to little by little over time take little steps towards expressing ourselves for ourselves. 60 is a good target!!
Really resonate with so much of this. I’ve found myself thinking I need to fit into a specific niche/ style, then when I try to embody that feeling or clothes it just doesn’t align! I’m trying to learn that if something brings me joy and I’m drawn to wearing it and that’s enough, it’s okay for my wardrobe and sense of style to be a collection of different things
Gosh that feeling when the vision doesn't translate to an embodied feeling when you put the clothes on is so disheartening. I feel you. Something a out what you bave shared helps me to see that following joy creates a mosaic of pieces that reflect all the beautifully nuanced parts of us. :)
'Something about what you have' -- sorry terrible typing! Full disclosure, in a bid to follow my joy I've tried glue on nails for the first time and they're making typing feel like an assault course! Otherwise they're definitely sparking joy. 🤣
Super interesting read! I'm honestly the complete opposite. Every time I see a cute trend, be it 70s or Boho whatever, I just feel like I can't pull it off or look like a normal human being. I have such a strong own little style with things I like, colours I gravitate to. One the one hand, it's nice to have a strong sense of what you like or dislike but then again I often feel like it 'holds me back'. Like I can't mask enough, I'm not successful enough because I don't look like the other people at the office, for example. Being able to blend in or look like you have a certain lifestyle can be nice and I guess safe at times
Thank you for sharing your experience Emily! This is undoubtedly true, I mean there was a reason that I felt compelled to blend in with my fashion choices to start with - avoiding being 'the odd one out' - and there is privilege in being able to do that.
I never thought about how men aren’t targeted with the type of/barrage of advertising women get... Love your new way of shopping- I’m totally going to do that next time- no need to “crawl out of your meat suit” for fashion 😂
I really related to what you said here: ‘the reality where I dream about and appreciate outfits that I think are ‘cool’, and the reality where I choose not to wear them because I know they won’t actually bring me any joy’.
This is how I feel about “retro” dresses 👗 I absolutely love the way they look and at times wish I had one to wear but the truth is, those dresses are just not practical in my day-to-day life. So I just admire them from afar 💗
Reading your comment has just sparked a realisation in me - perhaps by allowing ourselves the compassion that those dresses are just not practical in our day to day lives, perhaps that gives us the freedom to ENJOY the admiration rather than feel jealous or less than or frustrated.
I totally agree with this, esp the piece around weak sense of self. I used to tailor my aesthetic to what I felt was cool at the time - and tbh I still do! - and for many years I subjected myself to uncomfy clothes to fit that aesthetic.
Now, I wear things that are comfy and cool and casual, and have stretch and/or an elastic waistband is a must. ✌️dressing for our sensory needs is cool! 💯
I've done this "rebranding" so many times since i was a kid! Only recently (especially since my autism diagnosis) have I started to really focus on what makes me feel good and what is practical for me. And rather than trying to replace my whole wardrobe at once, I've been trying to take it slow and be intentional about choosing pieces based on needing to fill a hole in my wardrobe or replace something that doesn't work for me for whatever reason. It's been freeing.
I'm so happy you're finding it freeing, that's wonderful. Slowing down my purchasing is also something I'm trying to be mindful of - I don't spend often on clothes but when I do I do a lot of unnecessary plugging of gps as you say!
Thank you so much for sharing Emily. I can so relate to you MTV t-shirt - there are always one or two pieces of clothing that come first in my rankings, which I wear probably 80% of the time, and generally have absolutely nothing to do with any fashion trend! I also was stunned at how much discomfort I'd been putting up with sensory wise - when I was first diagnosed I didn't think i had sensory issues around clothes, and it was only when during my burnout I literally couldn't get dressed out of sweatpants that i realised i did! So proud of us ♡
And this is why I love reading your posts when I have the spoons. This is an experience I've not been able to articulate before, and as a result have felt very alone. It's only recently that I've realised it is in fact just another form of masking rooted very deeply within, and that realistically it doesn't fix everything (if anything , it causes more discomfort because of sensory issues).
I especially like when you say "but repetitive and obsessive thoughts are debilitating no matter the topic." That is extremely true.
Funnily enough, your post has come at the perfect time as it's only recently that I have began to contemplate how I've masked through use of clothing/appearance.
I'm so glad you now know you're not alone in this Liv - it doesn't make it any easier or clearer but I definitely find it comforting to know that it's a shared experience and I hope you do too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, this whole masking thing is more engrained than I ever imagined!
I have definitely dressed carefully over the years to protect myself from appearing to be different. I made so many fashion mistakes at school (even though there was a school uniform for f's sake!!!) and I was teased for my lack of sense of fashion!! My Mum, who I now realise is also autistic, was completely oblivious and insisted that I wore the standard M&S uniform and sensible shoes whilst all the other girls were in pencil split skirts with healed pointy shoes (it was the 80s). I detested turning up every day looking so different!
Even now at 53 I still look around to see what everyone else is wearing before making a purchase! Maybe at 60 I'll be over it!!
Gosh it's such a journey isn't it! Don't get me wrong, I very much still look at what everyone else is wearing. It's such an ingrained habit. But I guess the fact we are even aware of this means that we are giving ourselves the opportunity to little by little over time take little steps towards expressing ourselves for ourselves. 60 is a good target!!
Really resonate with so much of this. I’ve found myself thinking I need to fit into a specific niche/ style, then when I try to embody that feeling or clothes it just doesn’t align! I’m trying to learn that if something brings me joy and I’m drawn to wearing it and that’s enough, it’s okay for my wardrobe and sense of style to be a collection of different things
Gosh that feeling when the vision doesn't translate to an embodied feeling when you put the clothes on is so disheartening. I feel you. Something a out what you bave shared helps me to see that following joy creates a mosaic of pieces that reflect all the beautifully nuanced parts of us. :)
'Something about what you have' -- sorry terrible typing! Full disclosure, in a bid to follow my joy I've tried glue on nails for the first time and they're making typing feel like an assault course! Otherwise they're definitely sparking joy. 🤣
Super interesting read! I'm honestly the complete opposite. Every time I see a cute trend, be it 70s or Boho whatever, I just feel like I can't pull it off or look like a normal human being. I have such a strong own little style with things I like, colours I gravitate to. One the one hand, it's nice to have a strong sense of what you like or dislike but then again I often feel like it 'holds me back'. Like I can't mask enough, I'm not successful enough because I don't look like the other people at the office, for example. Being able to blend in or look like you have a certain lifestyle can be nice and I guess safe at times
Thank you for sharing your experience Emily! This is undoubtedly true, I mean there was a reason that I felt compelled to blend in with my fashion choices to start with - avoiding being 'the odd one out' - and there is privilege in being able to do that.
I never thought about how men aren’t targeted with the type of/barrage of advertising women get... Love your new way of shopping- I’m totally going to do that next time- no need to “crawl out of your meat suit” for fashion 😂
Thank you for reading Kayla, and I hope you stay well protected in that meat suit of yours next time you're out shopping 😂
I really related to what you said here: ‘the reality where I dream about and appreciate outfits that I think are ‘cool’, and the reality where I choose not to wear them because I know they won’t actually bring me any joy’.
This is how I feel about “retro” dresses 👗 I absolutely love the way they look and at times wish I had one to wear but the truth is, those dresses are just not practical in my day-to-day life. So I just admire them from afar 💗
Reading your comment has just sparked a realisation in me - perhaps by allowing ourselves the compassion that those dresses are just not practical in our day to day lives, perhaps that gives us the freedom to ENJOY the admiration rather than feel jealous or less than or frustrated.
I totally agree with this, esp the piece around weak sense of self. I used to tailor my aesthetic to what I felt was cool at the time - and tbh I still do! - and for many years I subjected myself to uncomfy clothes to fit that aesthetic.
Now, I wear things that are comfy and cool and casual, and have stretch and/or an elastic waistband is a must. ✌️dressing for our sensory needs is cool! 💯
Could not agree more! Go you! 🙏
I've done this "rebranding" so many times since i was a kid! Only recently (especially since my autism diagnosis) have I started to really focus on what makes me feel good and what is practical for me. And rather than trying to replace my whole wardrobe at once, I've been trying to take it slow and be intentional about choosing pieces based on needing to fill a hole in my wardrobe or replace something that doesn't work for me for whatever reason. It's been freeing.
I'm so happy you're finding it freeing, that's wonderful. Slowing down my purchasing is also something I'm trying to be mindful of - I don't spend often on clothes but when I do I do a lot of unnecessary plugging of gps as you say!
Yes!! It's like getting nice clothes for birthday presents and still wanting to wear the same tshirt you've had for 5 years. It's just not the same!!!
Thank you so much for sharing Emily. I can so relate to you MTV t-shirt - there are always one or two pieces of clothing that come first in my rankings, which I wear probably 80% of the time, and generally have absolutely nothing to do with any fashion trend! I also was stunned at how much discomfort I'd been putting up with sensory wise - when I was first diagnosed I didn't think i had sensory issues around clothes, and it was only when during my burnout I literally couldn't get dressed out of sweatpants that i realised i did! So proud of us ♡