Very comprehensive Charlie thanks for sharing - I have a question about energy level/tracking/assignment. How do you know? How can you tell?
I only seem to know when I'm completely drained and it was. -10 or I'm just not in the negative. My therapist said to try and track things that are +/- and if I can assign a number then do but it feels like I just don't know.
So I'm curious if there was/is a process in how you go about that?
That's a really interesting question Casper - I similarly struggle to gauge energy levels within my body unless I'm at negative energy/burnout/can't do anything mode, so your question has got me thinking! I'll reflect and probably write another post on this as I think it could be a more in-depth answer than a comment. :)
Similar to how Charlie mentioned the time blocking- if I can, I schedule a "rest" block in the middle of my day so that I can deliberately sit with my body and rest as needed or take sensory break or read/do easy chores/get ahead for the next blocks. I think we are often taught to ignore our body cues as neurodivergent people so it's a deliberate (and I would argue radical) practice to take time to rest and practice identifying bodily cues before burnout.
Beautiful and useful post, and definitely one I'll be bookmarking to share with clients. Butterfly tap is so good in so many different contexts!
Attuning to my own nervous system and building my fluency in that has been a gamechanger for me. An ongoing practice, always, but it's a journey I'm grateful to be on!
This is so helpful! I struggle with energy levels but I thought just from my chronic illness. But reading this has made me realise that my (probable) ADHD is having an impact too. Thank you for sharing 💚
This is such a great group of strategies! I really appreciate the way you shared the approaches, alongside your own personal journey with them, so that it's more of an example and an inspiration than a "how to fix it" list. You definitely found the right balance of sharing what worked for you in a way that's helpful without being prescriptive :)
So many of these strategies are applicable in the wide realm of dealing with extreme emotion! I'm currently experiencing perimenopause symptoms, which for me have been levels of mood swings, anxiety, and crashes that I haven't had since I was a teenager, so my husband and three kids (who are also teenagers working through sometimes-heightened emotions!) have never seen this in me before. I've been working through so many of the same concepts that you've listed - removing stress, accommodating needs, habit tracking, identifying the source and triggers of feelings, establishing protocols.
We have this chore-chart in our house, and we recently added a place where I can write what mood-level I'm at for the day (1-Low to 5-High), and I can also indicate if I experience a crash of some sort (I experience 5 types of crashes - energy, sadness, anger, anxiety, migraine). It's helped so much, first just by growing awareness and understanding, but also by having a way for me to express when I'm struggling without making my struggle worse. It can be so hard, even impossible, to have to verbally explain when a sadness or anger crash takes over. But it's much less hard for me to walk over to the white board and put a checkmark while I'm working on staying calm until it passes.
Anyway, I so enjoyed this post, it's such a valuable conversation to keep having in a world that often glosses over and rushes past anything considered "emotional"!
That is SUCH a great idea. Very inspiring to hear how you approach communicating your needs to your family. I thoroughly relate to the 'I'm struggling but don't know how to communicate it' conundrum.
Thank you Charlie, I find this rewilding community and your letters and videos so wonderfully supportive!! I love it!!
I also use time blocking - with choices that can be made within the broader headings, and I definitely think I can develop this further.. I'm trying to work out where crocheting and watercolour painting fits in - these things are definitely very therapeutic for me.. maybe I need a 'therapy' heading...
I'm looking forward to learning more about the burnout/ meltdown box. I have something similar in my safe space and one of my favourite items is a facial mister. I also have a little notebook in which I've written nice quotes that people have said to me. This helps to banish the shitty committee!!! The contents are covered with a pretty cloth with my eye mask on top. I'm too disregulated and can't even lift the cloth, I just grab my ear plugs and the eye mask and have a nap!
I would definitely like to know more about how you and Andrew body-double. This sounds very helpful. I might be able to use this with my son too....
Thank you for sharing about your journaling and burnout box methods Natasha! A facial mister is a great idea - you reminded me that in summer I also keep a facial roller in the freezer :) I also love the idea of written notes - I have something similar: pictures of people I love - somehow these small things really do help banish the shitty committee!
Thank you for this beautiful post Charlie 🙏 Two years ago I took a promotion at work that slowly sucked me hollow. I’ve just recently requested a demotion, a long build up of a difficult yet much needed decision, and although it’s been a challenging road to finally follow through, I feel like I’ve just gained so much ✨my energy, my well-being, my values, my inner peace. Your writing came at the perfect time. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this incredibly useful list! I'm an individual with OCD and recently was diagnosed with OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). I see a lot of commonalities with burnout and overwhelm that you have experienced. I will definitely be revisiting this post when I find myself struggling and need a gentle reminder to take care of myself and my needs.
I just want to say thank you for this. You have created a wonderful resource to promote well-being and mental health. As I read, I realized I have been integrating some of these things into my life, but having it clearly laid out like this will help me with creating an even more healthy MO (mode of operations). Glad to meet you, C
This is probably the most comprehensive and actually helpful list of tools I've ever come across! As someone with ADHD and struggles with overstimulation I couldn't agree more with all of those. A huge one for me is low dopamine morning routine (which I've never heard anyone talk about!) My coffee, no phone, light reading and sometimes just daydreaming while I wake up is a game changer for my day.
Great post, I resonate with so much of this, but especially the part about needing to personalise your strategies and avoiding posts that offer one-size-fits-all advice ❤️
Charlie, you're doing everything I want to do but seem to struggle to put into practice... I have tried so hard to do 'no tech before 10am', digital detoxes, etc but nothing seems to stick!
I am in awe of how 'quickly' you seem to have somewhat recovered from burnout... It's been a year since I left an office job where I was out of the house 40hrs+ a week, and while I am much 'better' than I was when I resigned, I also realise I am still burned out despite not working. And that just makes me beat myself up because I tend to think 'what have I got to be burned our about?' !!!
I so appreciate your posts & that you share your journey. I am just so frustrated at myself for not getting better quicker, or being seemingly unable to put into place practices that I know will help me.
Hi Jessica, I hear you! I too struggle to put these things into practice, I'm still very much in burnout recovery, and I still regularly get frustrated with my journey by comparison to what I used to be able to do - if I directly compare, it looks like I'm still not able to do much at all (I'm working, but only on this newsletter, and the rest of the time I'm managing my recovery and my health - I used to work a 50+ hour work week). Instead of directly comparing to what the past version of me could do I try to focus on the small things I am learning about myself that help me to manage now - whether it's managing no tech before bed once this week, or making it to see a friend without having a meltdown afterwards. Self-compassion, my friend - I think this is my biggest challenge, but it is the only way I see through. I encourage you to re-read the caveats I wrote at the beginning of this post; I really would hate for you to leave this post thinking any less of yourself or jour journey when this is definitely not an 'I made it to the others side' post, just a list of tools I pick up and put down when I can that I hope other people might find helpful in their own way.
Thank you Charlie 💕 Burnout is so hard isn't it... we are both very blessed to have understanding and supportive husbands who are committed to navigating this journey with us (for life!!).
Hi Jessica, just wanted to say that I have felt the exact same way many times and still do. The frustration of not getting better sooner, not being able to do the things that would actually help me heal, comparing my recovery journey to other people's or to the life I used to be able to lead when I was masking. If I dare say, these kinds of thoughts are probably part of the reason that got us into burnout in the first place, and it isn't our fault, these are "shoulds" we've all picked up in many forms from society, family, school etc. The antidote, as Charlie mentioned is self-compassion, which is really difficult to develop. I've been in and out of work for the past 7 years, off work for the past 3 and have often despaired about why I'm still unable to do very much of anything. Everything seems much better from the outside looking in.
Love this post!! I’m going to share it with my (likely neurodivergent) daughters- I’m so grateful I can help them take care of themselves better than I knew how to do!
Very comprehensive Charlie thanks for sharing - I have a question about energy level/tracking/assignment. How do you know? How can you tell?
I only seem to know when I'm completely drained and it was. -10 or I'm just not in the negative. My therapist said to try and track things that are +/- and if I can assign a number then do but it feels like I just don't know.
So I'm curious if there was/is a process in how you go about that?
That's a really interesting question Casper - I similarly struggle to gauge energy levels within my body unless I'm at negative energy/burnout/can't do anything mode, so your question has got me thinking! I'll reflect and probably write another post on this as I think it could be a more in-depth answer than a comment. :)
Similar to how Charlie mentioned the time blocking- if I can, I schedule a "rest" block in the middle of my day so that I can deliberately sit with my body and rest as needed or take sensory break or read/do easy chores/get ahead for the next blocks. I think we are often taught to ignore our body cues as neurodivergent people so it's a deliberate (and I would argue radical) practice to take time to rest and practice identifying bodily cues before burnout.
Hey Casper, just returning to let you know I've added this to this month's list of questions for the podcast Q&A so I'll answer it there :)
😌🤗 great, look forward to hearing about. Hope you're good 😊
Beautiful and useful post, and definitely one I'll be bookmarking to share with clients. Butterfly tap is so good in so many different contexts!
Attuning to my own nervous system and building my fluency in that has been a gamechanger for me. An ongoing practice, always, but it's a journey I'm grateful to be on!
🙏 Thank you for sharing Jane!
This is so helpful! I struggle with energy levels but I thought just from my chronic illness. But reading this has made me realise that my (probable) ADHD is having an impact too. Thank you for sharing 💚
This is such a great group of strategies! I really appreciate the way you shared the approaches, alongside your own personal journey with them, so that it's more of an example and an inspiration than a "how to fix it" list. You definitely found the right balance of sharing what worked for you in a way that's helpful without being prescriptive :)
So many of these strategies are applicable in the wide realm of dealing with extreme emotion! I'm currently experiencing perimenopause symptoms, which for me have been levels of mood swings, anxiety, and crashes that I haven't had since I was a teenager, so my husband and three kids (who are also teenagers working through sometimes-heightened emotions!) have never seen this in me before. I've been working through so many of the same concepts that you've listed - removing stress, accommodating needs, habit tracking, identifying the source and triggers of feelings, establishing protocols.
We have this chore-chart in our house, and we recently added a place where I can write what mood-level I'm at for the day (1-Low to 5-High), and I can also indicate if I experience a crash of some sort (I experience 5 types of crashes - energy, sadness, anger, anxiety, migraine). It's helped so much, first just by growing awareness and understanding, but also by having a way for me to express when I'm struggling without making my struggle worse. It can be so hard, even impossible, to have to verbally explain when a sadness or anger crash takes over. But it's much less hard for me to walk over to the white board and put a checkmark while I'm working on staying calm until it passes.
Anyway, I so enjoyed this post, it's such a valuable conversation to keep having in a world that often glosses over and rushes past anything considered "emotional"!
That is SUCH a great idea. Very inspiring to hear how you approach communicating your needs to your family. I thoroughly relate to the 'I'm struggling but don't know how to communicate it' conundrum.
The dog has a hat on! :)
Thank you Charlie, I find this rewilding community and your letters and videos so wonderfully supportive!! I love it!!
I also use time blocking - with choices that can be made within the broader headings, and I definitely think I can develop this further.. I'm trying to work out where crocheting and watercolour painting fits in - these things are definitely very therapeutic for me.. maybe I need a 'therapy' heading...
I'm looking forward to learning more about the burnout/ meltdown box. I have something similar in my safe space and one of my favourite items is a facial mister. I also have a little notebook in which I've written nice quotes that people have said to me. This helps to banish the shitty committee!!! The contents are covered with a pretty cloth with my eye mask on top. I'm too disregulated and can't even lift the cloth, I just grab my ear plugs and the eye mask and have a nap!
I would definitely like to know more about how you and Andrew body-double. This sounds very helpful. I might be able to use this with my son too....
Thank you for sharing about your journaling and burnout box methods Natasha! A facial mister is a great idea - you reminded me that in summer I also keep a facial roller in the freezer :) I also love the idea of written notes - I have something similar: pictures of people I love - somehow these small things really do help banish the shitty committee!
Oh I love the photos idea - I think I'll do that too! It'll stop me feeling that I'm on my own!! X
Thank you for this beautiful post Charlie 🙏 Two years ago I took a promotion at work that slowly sucked me hollow. I’ve just recently requested a demotion, a long build up of a difficult yet much needed decision, and although it’s been a challenging road to finally follow through, I feel like I’ve just gained so much ✨my energy, my well-being, my values, my inner peace. Your writing came at the perfect time. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this incredibly useful list! I'm an individual with OCD and recently was diagnosed with OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). I see a lot of commonalities with burnout and overwhelm that you have experienced. I will definitely be revisiting this post when I find myself struggling and need a gentle reminder to take care of myself and my needs.
So so valuable, thank you for taking the time to write and share so honestly and generously x
I just want to say thank you for this. You have created a wonderful resource to promote well-being and mental health. As I read, I realized I have been integrating some of these things into my life, but having it clearly laid out like this will help me with creating an even more healthy MO (mode of operations). Glad to meet you, C
This is probably the most comprehensive and actually helpful list of tools I've ever come across! As someone with ADHD and struggles with overstimulation I couldn't agree more with all of those. A huge one for me is low dopamine morning routine (which I've never heard anyone talk about!) My coffee, no phone, light reading and sometimes just daydreaming while I wake up is a game changer for my day.
Great post, I resonate with so much of this, but especially the part about needing to personalise your strategies and avoiding posts that offer one-size-fits-all advice ❤️
Charlie, you're doing everything I want to do but seem to struggle to put into practice... I have tried so hard to do 'no tech before 10am', digital detoxes, etc but nothing seems to stick!
I am in awe of how 'quickly' you seem to have somewhat recovered from burnout... It's been a year since I left an office job where I was out of the house 40hrs+ a week, and while I am much 'better' than I was when I resigned, I also realise I am still burned out despite not working. And that just makes me beat myself up because I tend to think 'what have I got to be burned our about?' !!!
I so appreciate your posts & that you share your journey. I am just so frustrated at myself for not getting better quicker, or being seemingly unable to put into place practices that I know will help me.
Hi Jessica, I hear you! I too struggle to put these things into practice, I'm still very much in burnout recovery, and I still regularly get frustrated with my journey by comparison to what I used to be able to do - if I directly compare, it looks like I'm still not able to do much at all (I'm working, but only on this newsletter, and the rest of the time I'm managing my recovery and my health - I used to work a 50+ hour work week). Instead of directly comparing to what the past version of me could do I try to focus on the small things I am learning about myself that help me to manage now - whether it's managing no tech before bed once this week, or making it to see a friend without having a meltdown afterwards. Self-compassion, my friend - I think this is my biggest challenge, but it is the only way I see through. I encourage you to re-read the caveats I wrote at the beginning of this post; I really would hate for you to leave this post thinking any less of yourself or jour journey when this is definitely not an 'I made it to the others side' post, just a list of tools I pick up and put down when I can that I hope other people might find helpful in their own way.
Thank you Charlie 💕 Burnout is so hard isn't it... we are both very blessed to have understanding and supportive husbands who are committed to navigating this journey with us (for life!!).
Your advice is appreciated x
❤️ sending you so much love!
Hi Jessica, just wanted to say that I have felt the exact same way many times and still do. The frustration of not getting better sooner, not being able to do the things that would actually help me heal, comparing my recovery journey to other people's or to the life I used to be able to lead when I was masking. If I dare say, these kinds of thoughts are probably part of the reason that got us into burnout in the first place, and it isn't our fault, these are "shoulds" we've all picked up in many forms from society, family, school etc. The antidote, as Charlie mentioned is self-compassion, which is really difficult to develop. I've been in and out of work for the past 7 years, off work for the past 3 and have often despaired about why I'm still unable to do very much of anything. Everything seems much better from the outside looking in.
Love this topic!
Love this post!! I’m going to share it with my (likely neurodivergent) daughters- I’m so grateful I can help them take care of themselves better than I knew how to do!
Has anyone here tested the Freedom App, it's an internet blocker? https://freedom.to/premium Would love to hear your thoughts.