In 2013, I was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, I didn't yet have my AuDHD diagnosis and was heavily masking. I was so achievement oriented that when I was on the phone trying to schedule an appointment for treatment, I kept saying to the provider, "Oh, sorry, I that time and day won't work for my schedule..." After, a few tries to find a mutual time, the health provider helped me put things into perspective. He said, "It sounds like you're really busy; David, do you have time to live. You were just diagnosed with cancer."
That comment helped to snap me out of my unconscious living.
I believe we get these opportunities whether health crises, burnout, or other life events so we can examine and shift our priorities.
For me, that comment was exactly what I needed. It took nearly three years, but I went through all the holistic and medical treatments and began to face myself and eventually went into remission. The cancer was gone. Now, I had a chance to do life differently.
I wish I could say that I learned my lesson once and for all. Well, old habits are hard to break. Eventually, I had my own burnout which led to my AuDHD diagnosis.
Now, for the past 18 months, I've been truly learning my lessons, healing from decades of shame and trauma, and learning to love myself. I finally got it for myself.
Glad you are able to take time to care for yourself too.
Hello lovely Charlie. I’m a new sub of yours and honestly got Substack just to access your content which I really enjoy and resonate with. I’m in my mid thirties and believe it or not but this is the first time I’ve ever posted a comment on a creators page on any platform. I wanted to share how much I appreciate and relate to your writing and perspective. You’re very good with your words.
About “doing nothing” you are so right. Spring time for me even though I love the rebirth of nature also seems to be a time that highlights productivity. There’s a buzz of activity during this time and with summer approaching, also an urgency to fill up your days with plans and smashing out tasks and if I don’t also do the same, I end up feeling as if I’m “wasting” my time. Not living life the “right way”. And ironically enough it’s with the stress of this pressure that I broke my foot over a month ago because I pushed myself to do something that I was too tired to do. So, here I am forced to take it easy, recovering, and a cautionary tale that if you don’t slow down, you will literally push yourself to the limit where you can injure yourself. <3
We are human beings, not human doings after all. Still, I relate to the push and pull of the drive and the doing “nothing”; I want more of that intentional slowing down that isn’t just happening because I need a break from the “driving”.
Aaah, to have time to breathe and pause and ruminate and daydream and observe and speculate and wonder and wander is simply the biggest luxury in life these days. Congratulations on discovering this! 👏👏👏
What a beautiful post Charlie. I too really struggle with the concept of ‘what am I doing’, even in therapy- I feel I’m not doing enough. I struggle to know how to respond when people ask me too and feel the anxiety inside me grow as I try to formulate a response. In reality though, the things you mentioned are ‘doing’- it’s just a different way of being. After a lifetime of pushing through and burnout, I love how you’re starting to honour where you’re at and see value in how you choose to live your life.
I too find joy in putting on a movie with my hot water bottle and candles, listening to music and today- the smell of rain in the air after the sun. Trying to work through what autism means for me, trauma therapy work, physically health issues- all of these things are a huge amount of work, and in some senses harder than going ‘out’ to work.
I hope you are getting lots of rest in after your trip. Your videos bring me such joy, make me feel grounded and connected.
Sending you love Charlie, thanks for this beautiful space you have created for everyone.
A lovely and very wise friend said to me that time spent recovering is time very well spent!! Repeating this back to myself has really helped me deal with the shitty committee in my head who so often give me a hard time when I'm not doing.. i.e. when I'm resting and meeting my own needs!
My therapist said to say to the shitty committee: 'thanks but I don't need you right now!'
Thanks as ever Charlie - this was such a helpful reminder that it's absolutely okay to do 'nothing'! And thanks also for creating the term 'shitty committee' way back... I use it often 🫂🥰😁
We're aligned again at the moment Charlie - the strive is real and the realisation of the strive along with it's impact on ourselves. Happy to hear the beginnings of a shift 😊
I'm starting to get better at recognizing that rest - in all its forms - *is* me doing something. If nothing else, I am caring for myself, and that is not nothing.
Thank you, Charlie, for an insightful post.
In 2013, I was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, I didn't yet have my AuDHD diagnosis and was heavily masking. I was so achievement oriented that when I was on the phone trying to schedule an appointment for treatment, I kept saying to the provider, "Oh, sorry, I that time and day won't work for my schedule..." After, a few tries to find a mutual time, the health provider helped me put things into perspective. He said, "It sounds like you're really busy; David, do you have time to live. You were just diagnosed with cancer."
That comment helped to snap me out of my unconscious living.
I believe we get these opportunities whether health crises, burnout, or other life events so we can examine and shift our priorities.
For me, that comment was exactly what I needed. It took nearly three years, but I went through all the holistic and medical treatments and began to face myself and eventually went into remission. The cancer was gone. Now, I had a chance to do life differently.
I wish I could say that I learned my lesson once and for all. Well, old habits are hard to break. Eventually, I had my own burnout which led to my AuDHD diagnosis.
Now, for the past 18 months, I've been truly learning my lessons, healing from decades of shame and trauma, and learning to love myself. I finally got it for myself.
Glad you are able to take time to care for yourself too.
Hello lovely Charlie. I’m a new sub of yours and honestly got Substack just to access your content which I really enjoy and resonate with. I’m in my mid thirties and believe it or not but this is the first time I’ve ever posted a comment on a creators page on any platform. I wanted to share how much I appreciate and relate to your writing and perspective. You’re very good with your words.
About “doing nothing” you are so right. Spring time for me even though I love the rebirth of nature also seems to be a time that highlights productivity. There’s a buzz of activity during this time and with summer approaching, also an urgency to fill up your days with plans and smashing out tasks and if I don’t also do the same, I end up feeling as if I’m “wasting” my time. Not living life the “right way”. And ironically enough it’s with the stress of this pressure that I broke my foot over a month ago because I pushed myself to do something that I was too tired to do. So, here I am forced to take it easy, recovering, and a cautionary tale that if you don’t slow down, you will literally push yourself to the limit where you can injure yourself. <3
We are human beings, not human doings after all. Still, I relate to the push and pull of the drive and the doing “nothing”; I want more of that intentional slowing down that isn’t just happening because I need a break from the “driving”.
Aaah, to have time to breathe and pause and ruminate and daydream and observe and speculate and wonder and wander is simply the biggest luxury in life these days. Congratulations on discovering this! 👏👏👏
What a beautiful post Charlie. I too really struggle with the concept of ‘what am I doing’, even in therapy- I feel I’m not doing enough. I struggle to know how to respond when people ask me too and feel the anxiety inside me grow as I try to formulate a response. In reality though, the things you mentioned are ‘doing’- it’s just a different way of being. After a lifetime of pushing through and burnout, I love how you’re starting to honour where you’re at and see value in how you choose to live your life.
I too find joy in putting on a movie with my hot water bottle and candles, listening to music and today- the smell of rain in the air after the sun. Trying to work through what autism means for me, trauma therapy work, physically health issues- all of these things are a huge amount of work, and in some senses harder than going ‘out’ to work.
I hope you are getting lots of rest in after your trip. Your videos bring me such joy, make me feel grounded and connected.
Sending you love Charlie, thanks for this beautiful space you have created for everyone.
PS- I absolutely loved your collage 🥰🥰
A lovely and very wise friend said to me that time spent recovering is time very well spent!! Repeating this back to myself has really helped me deal with the shitty committee in my head who so often give me a hard time when I'm not doing.. i.e. when I'm resting and meeting my own needs!
My therapist said to say to the shitty committee: 'thanks but I don't need you right now!'
Thanks as ever Charlie - this was such a helpful reminder that it's absolutely okay to do 'nothing'! And thanks also for creating the term 'shitty committee' way back... I use it often 🫂🥰😁
We're aligned again at the moment Charlie - the strive is real and the realisation of the strive along with it's impact on ourselves. Happy to hear the beginnings of a shift 😊
There was an interesting podcast from the BBC called Crowd Science about “laziness” and the need for rest.
I'm starting to get better at recognizing that rest - in all its forms - *is* me doing something. If nothing else, I am caring for myself, and that is not nothing.