Hi Charlie, I've been loving your thoughts and videos, and it's fun that you are mentioning cycles. Menstrual cycles have been a special interests of mine for awhile and I have illustrated and described each day of the cycle for my journaling book. It's like a story of your cycle that hopefully makes folks be more self-compassionate and maybe even fall in love with the cycle a bit, like I have. If you're curious you can see the daily illustrations here: https://www.studiomuzi.com/library/menstrual-phase
Hi Charlie, your quote "when you treat yourself like there is something wrong with you, it becomes routine to believe there is something wrong with you." really hit hard this morning, so thank you :)
Thank you so much for the insights into your experiences and research, Charlie!
Just about two weeks ago I told my therapist about how my cycle influences my mood and thoughts so much and that I can’t really figure it out until my period hits (as you described). And even then I don’t really know what to do to get out of it and just wait it out as I know that it will pass.
And she said something that made me think: people with menstrual cycles are preparing to get pregnant every month. No matter if they are planning to have (more) kids or not. And so when the mind realizes that this „goal“ has not been reached it is automatically disappointed and sad. So emotionally it has a lot to do with disappointment and grief. To me that made and makes a lot of sense when I check in with my past selves in the time before my period until the second or third day. I feel like there could be some sort of a key to treating myself accordingly as in „I’m not randomly depressed and anxious, I’m disappointed and sad“.
Have not put that theory to the test as I have not reached that phase again, but I am hopeful that it might at least lighten the confusion during that time.
Hey! I have the same experience around my period and what I find helpful is as soon as I start bleeding I write it down in my planner and then count out however many days my symptoms start and give myself a heads up by writing down in my planner on the next month! It catches me by surprise and is debilitating. Sorry if you didn’t want advice, I just know the struggle
Hey, I can totally relate. For me, the App drip was a game changer. It is designed for all people who menstruate so no pinkish design but rather neutral. And it is privately friendly: the information is only stored on your device. Its a feminist coder collective who developed it and I love it.
Also: the book Period Power from Maisie Hill absolutely improved my experience of my cycle. I still get surprised when I hit that point in my cycle where everything feels soooo overwhelming and bad and everlasting, but then checking the app and seeing "oh its day whatever" helps to put things into perspective.
What I struggle with is accepting that my body functions in other time periods than just the 24h cycle. All the besteht to all of you 🥰
I also notice that I feel shameful about my previous reply because it sounds so much like "do this and that and everything is fine" advice. This is exactly the opposite from what I have wanted my answer to be. Finding the balance between sharing information that helped me and sounding overbearing to others is a challenge I am working on. The shame wizards are strong in my life. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope that I can forgive myself as well :)
I really liked the image from The Kindness Method, that we tend to speak to ourselves as a drill Sergeant but to others as the nurse and that it is helpful to remind ourselves to speak to ourselves as the nurse as well. Thank you :)
I can assure you there is no forgiveness required from my side, I really appreciate you sharing what helps you - we are all just trying to figure it out together :) I will check out drip - if I can get it on my laptop that will be great!
Ok cool thank you :) thats a relieve. its only available as an android app, but you could try running it in an Emulator. There are quite a few possibilities for each operating system. It might take some tinkering depending on the solution you settle onto, but if you've got an emulator running you are free to use apps on your laptop that dont have a desktop version. Good luck :)
But it would also be an interesting programming project to make an ADHD friendly desktop app. I will keep that in mind :)
Love this. I’ve recently added a 4-weekly reminder in our calendar to review all life admin because I’ve realised going into the final week of my cycle with too many open loops is a recipe for meltdown.
I definitely take the first several days as a good reason to slow down too, and try to plan it that way.
Love this Charlotte, planning for it really feels like allowing ourselves the opportunity for kindness. I've just taken your lead and made a note in my planner too.
I can recommend the Clue app for tracking your cycle! I know you're probably trying to do it the paper-planning way, but if you're willing to try digital tracking I've found Clue great. You can set reminders to say 'your cycle might start in 3 days / tomorrow' etc.
The only issue with these apps is that they don't seem to be available on my computer and I don't use a smartphone currently. But you've inspired me to look for a computer-friendly app so thank you!
One of the most validating things for me was reading an article by a trans man. He talked about how, since being on T, he’d discovered that he woke up feeling pretty much the same in his body every day, and how quickly that went from being mind boggling to totally standard for him. Before then - because it was his normal - he hadn’t realised how much of a rollercoaster the menstrual cycle was. But looking back, he said, he had no idea how he had coped - and how people with menstrual cycles in general cope - with the constant demands of life.
(Part of my wider thesis on the fact that so many women and LGBT+ people I know are having to bend over backwards to fit into ‘normal life’, and yet we’re supposedly the ones with the ‘problems’, rather than the people who designed life in such a way that it doesn’t work for us)
I've had this same struggle! It seemed like every month, in the week before my period, my mood would drop and I would feel awful. I only just recently started realizing what the problem is *before* the bleeding starts. Now, my mind goes "why are we having such a hard time? Oh! It's probably almost time for my period!" And then everything makes sense. I wish I could say *how* this shift happened, but I just happened to notice it months ago. It has helped me to be kinder to myself.
Hi Charlie, I've been loving your thoughts and videos, and it's fun that you are mentioning cycles. Menstrual cycles have been a special interests of mine for awhile and I have illustrated and described each day of the cycle for my journaling book. It's like a story of your cycle that hopefully makes folks be more self-compassionate and maybe even fall in love with the cycle a bit, like I have. If you're curious you can see the daily illustrations here: https://www.studiomuzi.com/library/menstrual-phase
I got a warm fuzzy feeling inside looking at your illustrations Sara, they're very comforting :)
I love that, Charlie! <3
I really liked your perspective and the gender inclusive language :)
thanks so much, I'm so glad :)
I love the illustrations you made, so pretty and on point :)
that's so kind, thank you :)
Hi Charlie, your quote "when you treat yourself like there is something wrong with you, it becomes routine to believe there is something wrong with you." really hit hard this morning, so thank you :)
Thank you for sharing Marijn, it's always nice to know which words serve :)
Thank you so much for the insights into your experiences and research, Charlie!
Just about two weeks ago I told my therapist about how my cycle influences my mood and thoughts so much and that I can’t really figure it out until my period hits (as you described). And even then I don’t really know what to do to get out of it and just wait it out as I know that it will pass.
And she said something that made me think: people with menstrual cycles are preparing to get pregnant every month. No matter if they are planning to have (more) kids or not. And so when the mind realizes that this „goal“ has not been reached it is automatically disappointed and sad. So emotionally it has a lot to do with disappointment and grief. To me that made and makes a lot of sense when I check in with my past selves in the time before my period until the second or third day. I feel like there could be some sort of a key to treating myself accordingly as in „I’m not randomly depressed and anxious, I’m disappointed and sad“.
Have not put that theory to the test as I have not reached that phase again, but I am hopeful that it might at least lighten the confusion during that time.
That's fascinating! Thank you for sharing Alicia.
Hey! I have the same experience around my period and what I find helpful is as soon as I start bleeding I write it down in my planner and then count out however many days my symptoms start and give myself a heads up by writing down in my planner on the next month! It catches me by surprise and is debilitating. Sorry if you didn’t want advice, I just know the struggle
Thank you for sharing - you reminded me to write it down this time!!! :)
Yes, the cycle and all the challenges that come with it.
Also, shame, it’s something I’m carrying heavily at the moment and this has come as a timely reminder.
❤️
Hey, I can totally relate. For me, the App drip was a game changer. It is designed for all people who menstruate so no pinkish design but rather neutral. And it is privately friendly: the information is only stored on your device. Its a feminist coder collective who developed it and I love it.
Also: the book Period Power from Maisie Hill absolutely improved my experience of my cycle. I still get surprised when I hit that point in my cycle where everything feels soooo overwhelming and bad and everlasting, but then checking the app and seeing "oh its day whatever" helps to put things into perspective.
What I struggle with is accepting that my body functions in other time periods than just the 24h cycle. All the besteht to all of you 🥰
I also notice that I feel shameful about my previous reply because it sounds so much like "do this and that and everything is fine" advice. This is exactly the opposite from what I have wanted my answer to be. Finding the balance between sharing information that helped me and sounding overbearing to others is a challenge I am working on. The shame wizards are strong in my life. I hope you can forgive me. And I hope that I can forgive myself as well :)
I really liked the image from The Kindness Method, that we tend to speak to ourselves as a drill Sergeant but to others as the nurse and that it is helpful to remind ourselves to speak to ourselves as the nurse as well. Thank you :)
I can assure you there is no forgiveness required from my side, I really appreciate you sharing what helps you - we are all just trying to figure it out together :) I will check out drip - if I can get it on my laptop that will be great!
Ok cool thank you :) thats a relieve. its only available as an android app, but you could try running it in an Emulator. There are quite a few possibilities for each operating system. It might take some tinkering depending on the solution you settle onto, but if you've got an emulator running you are free to use apps on your laptop that dont have a desktop version. Good luck :)
But it would also be an interesting programming project to make an ADHD friendly desktop app. I will keep that in mind :)
Love this. I’ve recently added a 4-weekly reminder in our calendar to review all life admin because I’ve realised going into the final week of my cycle with too many open loops is a recipe for meltdown.
I definitely take the first several days as a good reason to slow down too, and try to plan it that way.
Love this Charlotte, planning for it really feels like allowing ourselves the opportunity for kindness. I've just taken your lead and made a note in my planner too.
I can recommend the Clue app for tracking your cycle! I know you're probably trying to do it the paper-planning way, but if you're willing to try digital tracking I've found Clue great. You can set reminders to say 'your cycle might start in 3 days / tomorrow' etc.
The only issue with these apps is that they don't seem to be available on my computer and I don't use a smartphone currently. But you've inspired me to look for a computer-friendly app so thank you!
Oh yes, how silly of me!! 🤦🏼♀️ I'm sure there are similar things for desktop... Good luck searching!
One of the most validating things for me was reading an article by a trans man. He talked about how, since being on T, he’d discovered that he woke up feeling pretty much the same in his body every day, and how quickly that went from being mind boggling to totally standard for him. Before then - because it was his normal - he hadn’t realised how much of a rollercoaster the menstrual cycle was. But looking back, he said, he had no idea how he had coped - and how people with menstrual cycles in general cope - with the constant demands of life.
(Part of my wider thesis on the fact that so many women and LGBT+ people I know are having to bend over backwards to fit into ‘normal life’, and yet we’re supposedly the ones with the ‘problems’, rather than the people who designed life in such a way that it doesn’t work for us)
I've had this same struggle! It seemed like every month, in the week before my period, my mood would drop and I would feel awful. I only just recently started realizing what the problem is *before* the bleeding starts. Now, my mind goes "why are we having such a hard time? Oh! It's probably almost time for my period!" And then everything makes sense. I wish I could say *how* this shift happened, but I just happened to notice it months ago. It has helped me to be kinder to myself.