I'm currently in burnout and the best way i describe it as like having an invisible electric fence around you, which you cant see and have to go find by pushing your limits. You will touch it and get blasted back to the sofa. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening but the fence gets further away each time.
This is a really great way to look at it. 2 years into my burn out, I don't feel like my fence has moved much. By now, I at least know where it is without regularly getting blasted back to the sofa.
I start to feel claustrophobic and panicky when I think about how long burnout has gone on, and when I wonder if I will ever feel better... I do best when I focus more on the moment (easier to do when executive dysfunction won’t let me plan 😉). It’s always comforting to interact with the Autistic community and realize that I’m not alone in this. ❤️ Your descriptions are generally so relatable; it makes me feel less alone. Burnout is definitely a case of following the tortoise, not the hare.
Uncertainty is looming heavy in my journey. The only things I am certain of are the things I don’t want. But as they are the things I am most familiar with - I am so familiar with discomfort/confusion/exhaustion/masking - I have to grapple with moving towards/through/with uncertainty, knowing it is a path towards a more authentic life. However, I can’t map it out. I can’t predict it. I can’t identify the pattern. I can’t rationalise and analyse it. It’s a different kind of discomfort. Sigh 🥰
Your observation that you can't rationalise, analyse or map it out really hit me square between the eyes! I guess this is the definition of uncertainty, but when one considers that their coping mechanisms so far have been to try to control the uncontrollable as much as possible letting go and giving in to navigating the uncertainty minute by minute is an incredibly foreign and uncomfortable thing to do! Thanks for sharing as always Michelle.
🙏 ah yes, attempting to control the uncontrollable could be the name of my memoir 😊 The double edged sword of the perpetually problem solving brain. I also tend to think being a lawyer means having a default problem solving framework is further embedded into how we experience the world. Damn that law degree 😂
I had a panick attack in the morning (which usually keeps me inside on the couch all day, because the outside seems to scary). Watching your video gave me the motivation to go on a tiny round with my dog. I was prepared to be overwhelmed and it was. But it also made me look at the tiny wildflowers when I sat down on the grass while watching her chomp away on a fallen branch. And see her do her little jumps when playing fetch with me once (which she used to love as a puppy, but she's a teenager now and not as interested in fetching as she was).
I'm sorry you had a panic attack and hope you're feeling a little better. ❤️ Expecting overwhelm, feeling it, and moving forward to find little shards of joy amidst it all is so so hard so huge respect to you for finding the motivation and taking action. I'm so happy to hear you had your dog with you and that she played fetch with you; I swear our little fur babies know when we need a little extra connection and love!
I'm very much on this journey with you. I've been in burnout for a good 4-5 months now. I found you on YouTube and its been so great hearing your experiences along the way. I too feel like I am recovering and at that strange stage where I want to be pushing myself a bit more but it's challenging because the old me of 'well I should be able to do it all' keeps creeping in again. I'm trying to look at the long term, how can I shape my life to reflect what I'm learning about myself. And being much kinder to myself when I inevitably overdo it and have to have a recovery day. The road is winding and seems endless. Big love to you and all your tips and reflections! You're doing great 😊
Quite, Rina! I have to keep reminding myself I'm unravelling a 15 years plus of working towards burnout. Thank you for sharing the wisdom you've garnered through your mum's experience.
I'm currently in burnout and the best way i describe it as like having an invisible electric fence around you, which you cant see and have to go find by pushing your limits. You will touch it and get blasted back to the sofa. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening but the fence gets further away each time.
This is a really great way to look at it. 2 years into my burn out, I don't feel like my fence has moved much. By now, I at least know where it is without regularly getting blasted back to the sofa.
Wow. That is a great analogy.
I start to feel claustrophobic and panicky when I think about how long burnout has gone on, and when I wonder if I will ever feel better... I do best when I focus more on the moment (easier to do when executive dysfunction won’t let me plan 😉). It’s always comforting to interact with the Autistic community and realize that I’m not alone in this. ❤️ Your descriptions are generally so relatable; it makes me feel less alone. Burnout is definitely a case of following the tortoise, not the hare.
Uncertainty is looming heavy in my journey. The only things I am certain of are the things I don’t want. But as they are the things I am most familiar with - I am so familiar with discomfort/confusion/exhaustion/masking - I have to grapple with moving towards/through/with uncertainty, knowing it is a path towards a more authentic life. However, I can’t map it out. I can’t predict it. I can’t identify the pattern. I can’t rationalise and analyse it. It’s a different kind of discomfort. Sigh 🥰
Your observation that you can't rationalise, analyse or map it out really hit me square between the eyes! I guess this is the definition of uncertainty, but when one considers that their coping mechanisms so far have been to try to control the uncontrollable as much as possible letting go and giving in to navigating the uncertainty minute by minute is an incredibly foreign and uncomfortable thing to do! Thanks for sharing as always Michelle.
🙏 ah yes, attempting to control the uncontrollable could be the name of my memoir 😊 The double edged sword of the perpetually problem solving brain. I also tend to think being a lawyer means having a default problem solving framework is further embedded into how we experience the world. Damn that law degree 😂
I definitely agree with that! The fundamental of my advisory law career was 'don't say no, always find a solution'. 😅
I had a panick attack in the morning (which usually keeps me inside on the couch all day, because the outside seems to scary). Watching your video gave me the motivation to go on a tiny round with my dog. I was prepared to be overwhelmed and it was. But it also made me look at the tiny wildflowers when I sat down on the grass while watching her chomp away on a fallen branch. And see her do her little jumps when playing fetch with me once (which she used to love as a puppy, but she's a teenager now and not as interested in fetching as she was).
I'm sorry you had a panic attack and hope you're feeling a little better. ❤️ Expecting overwhelm, feeling it, and moving forward to find little shards of joy amidst it all is so so hard so huge respect to you for finding the motivation and taking action. I'm so happy to hear you had your dog with you and that she played fetch with you; I swear our little fur babies know when we need a little extra connection and love!
I'm very much on this journey with you. I've been in burnout for a good 4-5 months now. I found you on YouTube and its been so great hearing your experiences along the way. I too feel like I am recovering and at that strange stage where I want to be pushing myself a bit more but it's challenging because the old me of 'well I should be able to do it all' keeps creeping in again. I'm trying to look at the long term, how can I shape my life to reflect what I'm learning about myself. And being much kinder to myself when I inevitably overdo it and have to have a recovery day. The road is winding and seems endless. Big love to you and all your tips and reflections! You're doing great 😊
Quite, Rina! I have to keep reminding myself I'm unravelling a 15 years plus of working towards burnout. Thank you for sharing the wisdom you've garnered through your mum's experience.