Hey Charlie. Thank you so much for this and your other posts. I'm going through a remarkably similar journey atm and it's been so validating and comforting to know I'm not alone, and see all my very muddled thoughts and emotions organised by someone else into more coherent messages that I can actually understand and process.
I'm also an ex-City lawyer who quit for her mental health after turning 30, but decided to retrain as a chef to change careers into food (my one main passion), thinking it was just law that was the issue. Fast forward 1.5 years later after a 'successful' career change at a 'dream' food job, and I'm stuck in the worst burnout of my life, awaiting an ADHD assessment
(and the more I read into it, will likely need an autism one too) for various long-suppressed traits that have been frighteningly exposed and brought out into the open amidst the increased chaos in the changes of adjusting to a new and relatively more unstructured industry.
While I never regret leaving law, and am still really passionate about food, I'm realising it needs to be on my own (not necessarily traditionally commercially successful) terms, and it has been really demoralising wondering where the hell I go from here and whether I'll ever find real peace about work. After reading this post I'm realising that I'm just on the cusp of having my own delayed 'awakening' about my new life and work goals, and the similar necessary elements like flexibility, creativity etc are more about wholesale changes away from general corporate working culture and less about the specific industry. I am about to move abroad for my husband's work where the language barrier is going to naturally limit a lot of the normal available work opportunities, but this post has helped me realise it's actually going to be a really great forced way to re-assess what I actually want from my work going forward and how I can navigate that best for me and my authentic self as I continue my own parallel journey of burnout recovery and strongly suspected rediscovery of myself after a late neurodivergency diagnosis.
Sorry for the super long comment, I just really wanted you to know the time you spend on your videos and writing really does help others, and that you are really not alone in this wild post-lawpocalypse world :)
No need to apologise, I loved reading your comment and want to thank you so much for sharing your story too because similarly it is comforting for me to know that I'm not alone either (and from the number of people who have liked your comment, I think I can deduce you've touched others' hearts too!). I relate to so much of what you have shared, especially the sentiment of feeling demoralised and disheartened. We seem to share a few parallels, don't we? 'post-lawpocalypse world' is probably the most relatable thing I've read in a while! I really admire you for the perspective you are taking with your prospective move abroad with your husband, by seeing it as an opportunity to lean into a different way of looking at how you can incorporate work into your life in a way that works for you. ❤️
I'm the only one with a paying job in the household so will have to keep going until I can't. It's not that I don't like my job but it's more that it feels like I live to work rather than the other way around. It's just not how I want to spend my time tbh. Honestly I have no clue how to be my authentic, autistic self AND be able to work a normal job. Many autistic creators seem to be their own boss
I hear you, and I'm sorry. In my opinion neurodiversity urgently needs to be more widely recognised, accepted and accommodated within companies and traditional employment avenues so that there isn't such a huge divide between who we have to be at work versus who we are authentically. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. I need to work on my self-forgiveness a lot, so it’s inspiring to read how gentle you’re being with yourself. I’ve never really been able to cope with the world of work very well - even before my daughter was born I only worked part-time as a receptionist & later nursery nurse but frequently found it overwhelming. Now I have a greater understanding of why that was but the autism side of things feels like a full stop to me at the moment. As in I can’t cope with working, full stop. I’ve always clung on to a hope that I would be ok once I found “my thing” but at the age of 44 I’m wondering how many more dead ends there are. I did a degree and a masters in photography as a mature student, and recently did an introduction to counselling skills course, and did well in both disciplines but the idea of the challenges involved in both directions is just too much for me.
This all sounds a bit maudlin and I promise it’s not. I think I am adjusting to feeling a sense of value in myself elsewhere, but for now I’m focussing on my upcoming autism assessment and trying to keep everything else on the back burner.
What a beautiful share Mim, thank you. I relate so much to the resistance you're describing, which has been the same for me up until very recent weeks when the thought of work started to return. I truly admire and respect the self-awareness you have in deciding where to focus your energy right now. ❤️
Thanks for sharing. Your needs for work are very similar to mine (also audhd - just haven't got the asd dx yet).
I burnt out in spectacular fashion in 2012. Well, I burnt out in 2010 and kept going for 2 more years in which I tried and tried to get somewhere with my PhD to no avail. I made myself ill with trying. Since then I've done various office jobs and put myself through so many hard things in the last decade I've burnt out again. I'm signed off sick now and don't intend to ever get into this position again. It's all about recovery from 36 years of hardship (yes, my whole life so far has been difficult in one way or another, probably cos of undiagnosed ND)
If I'd seen that picture of you in the lift out of context I wouldn't have recognised you in it!
For work, I need:
To work with a special interest and one that has enough variety so that I don't get bored.
To work with people in some capacity, even if only part of my job.
To do work that has some kind of impact, either teaching skills or advocacy work of some kind.
Thank you for sharing your story, Linda and I'm sorry to hear you're in the thick of another burnout. ❤️ I am so interested to see our work needs are quite similar, and now you mention it I would also add the last three you mention to my list. I can't see myself managing more than 3 or 4 hours of work a day, even under conditions that are 'perfect' for me. It's so interesting you mention the picture of me in the lift not looking like me, because honestly when I found it I felt like I was looking at a ghost that couldn't possibly be me!
My story is different, in that I’m a homeschool mom, and haven’t worked since I was pregnant with my first child. I think I unmasked so much during covid quarantine, that my brain didn’t want to/couldn’t go back to heavy masking afterward. I’m curious if anyone else relates... Either way, the central message is clear: we need to live differently from here on out in order to take care of ourselves. I really appreciate the thoughtfulness your posts/videos give me in how I should move forward. It’s especially important since I’m still struggling to move through burnout, and thinking about the future feels like reaching into mist...
I definitely relate to this Kayla! Covid was what kick-started my unmasking journey. I never went back to full-employment nor working in the office after covid, because I just couldn't face it - it was like I'd been shown another way to exist, and it was so much more aligned with how I felt on the inside that I couldn't ignore it. 'Thinking about the future feels like reaching into mist...' - yes, absolutely.
Thank you for sharing this Charlie. I found you around the time I started to realise that I am Autistic and have been masking pretty much my whole life. I have been unwell for a few years, having what I thought was my first 'mental breakdown' in 2017 as I was burning the candle at both ends and all through the day and night. Since then I have had two long term absences from work (I am a PA at an economics firm) and I am now at the point where my physical health has deteriorated so much I am disabled. I am starting to wonder if those breakdowns were in fact autistic burnout as I am in that place once again. I cannot afford to stop working, I work 4 days a week and from home at the moment but I am expecting my employer to put a stop to that any day and I worry about how much I will struggle with that both mentally and physically. I don't want to live like this anymore and your journey encourages me to really think about what I would like from my life, not what I can do to make sure other people are proud of me.
Hi Tanya, no need to apologise - I really appreciate you sharing your story, and I am so sorry you're going through such a tough time. ❤️ Shifting my compass from external to internal in terms of how I want (or need) to live my life has been hard but so rewarding (and is definitely an ongoing practice!). I really hope reflecting on what life looks like with your needs at the epicentre is a helpful thought experiment for you.
Thank you for resharing this with me Charlie! I had read it when you originally posted but it was a good reminder and good points to have a conversation around with my daughter ♥️
Thanks Charlie! This is a hot topic in my brain almost daily, “what will it be of me”, “how can I work, it haven’t changed since last time”, “I am
Not good enough” and so on.
I haven’t been active for some time, because I have had another round of mental health problems. As you know I do study my master degree and I am doubting if it is the right thing. Do I really want to struggle another year at school before starting a job I don’t know if I want?
I have worked as an engineer before, and didn’t cope so well.
You make me think, if you couldn’t work more when you turned 30. Why should I go through my 30 the same way you went through you 20th just to become burned out at 35... or it might be all fine.
I have asked my GP for therapy, so hopefully they can help me get some answers to what I want in life. What a ramble, but I just have to write what comes to mind 😅
I hope you are able to find the work you want and need.
I’ve avoided big burnouts until now (I’m 46) by making wild and sweeping changes in my life to distract and re-energise myself over the years. I realise now I was not reenergising but just creating adrenalin to push me forward. I dived into having children, getting divorced, getting remarried, moving country, moving house, moving house again, changing job, getting divorced again, getting a dog, moving town, changing job…..
And now - my kids have gone to uni, I’m not fuelled by Adrenalin and I have crashed and burned. 4 months of sick pay, exhaustion, rest, guilt so far.
But I have to pay the mortgage so I’ve left my emotionally high demand, sensory overwhelming job and I start a new one soon. Lower pay, lower demand. Which I’ve just realised is me following my same old patterns but more slowly.
Hopefully I can approach it in a way more suited to my needs - noise cancelling headphones in the office, some work from home days, not people pleasing, not carrying the emotional distress of others.
This sounds like me!! I have a tendency to move places after 2 years. The feeling of being the new person and therefore have an excuse not see people was my saving. Then I dived in to having children because I didn’t like my work, then I got another one close up because I didn’t wanted to go back to work and so on. I changed schools a lot as a child also. I also still just pushing through life, and I wonder when it will finally crash.
Hi Rina! I'm so glad you found comfort in this post. Writing is what helps me to reflect and process, so I really hope that you enjoyed your time in your backyard and that writing is providing the same safe haven for you too. ❤️
Hey Charlie. Thank you so much for this and your other posts. I'm going through a remarkably similar journey atm and it's been so validating and comforting to know I'm not alone, and see all my very muddled thoughts and emotions organised by someone else into more coherent messages that I can actually understand and process.
I'm also an ex-City lawyer who quit for her mental health after turning 30, but decided to retrain as a chef to change careers into food (my one main passion), thinking it was just law that was the issue. Fast forward 1.5 years later after a 'successful' career change at a 'dream' food job, and I'm stuck in the worst burnout of my life, awaiting an ADHD assessment
(and the more I read into it, will likely need an autism one too) for various long-suppressed traits that have been frighteningly exposed and brought out into the open amidst the increased chaos in the changes of adjusting to a new and relatively more unstructured industry.
While I never regret leaving law, and am still really passionate about food, I'm realising it needs to be on my own (not necessarily traditionally commercially successful) terms, and it has been really demoralising wondering where the hell I go from here and whether I'll ever find real peace about work. After reading this post I'm realising that I'm just on the cusp of having my own delayed 'awakening' about my new life and work goals, and the similar necessary elements like flexibility, creativity etc are more about wholesale changes away from general corporate working culture and less about the specific industry. I am about to move abroad for my husband's work where the language barrier is going to naturally limit a lot of the normal available work opportunities, but this post has helped me realise it's actually going to be a really great forced way to re-assess what I actually want from my work going forward and how I can navigate that best for me and my authentic self as I continue my own parallel journey of burnout recovery and strongly suspected rediscovery of myself after a late neurodivergency diagnosis.
Sorry for the super long comment, I just really wanted you to know the time you spend on your videos and writing really does help others, and that you are really not alone in this wild post-lawpocalypse world :)
No need to apologise, I loved reading your comment and want to thank you so much for sharing your story too because similarly it is comforting for me to know that I'm not alone either (and from the number of people who have liked your comment, I think I can deduce you've touched others' hearts too!). I relate to so much of what you have shared, especially the sentiment of feeling demoralised and disheartened. We seem to share a few parallels, don't we? 'post-lawpocalypse world' is probably the most relatable thing I've read in a while! I really admire you for the perspective you are taking with your prospective move abroad with your husband, by seeing it as an opportunity to lean into a different way of looking at how you can incorporate work into your life in a way that works for you. ❤️
Thanks for sharing.
I'm the only one with a paying job in the household so will have to keep going until I can't. It's not that I don't like my job but it's more that it feels like I live to work rather than the other way around. It's just not how I want to spend my time tbh. Honestly I have no clue how to be my authentic, autistic self AND be able to work a normal job. Many autistic creators seem to be their own boss
I hear you, and I'm sorry. In my opinion neurodiversity urgently needs to be more widely recognised, accepted and accommodated within companies and traditional employment avenues so that there isn't such a huge divide between who we have to be at work versus who we are authentically. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this. I need to work on my self-forgiveness a lot, so it’s inspiring to read how gentle you’re being with yourself. I’ve never really been able to cope with the world of work very well - even before my daughter was born I only worked part-time as a receptionist & later nursery nurse but frequently found it overwhelming. Now I have a greater understanding of why that was but the autism side of things feels like a full stop to me at the moment. As in I can’t cope with working, full stop. I’ve always clung on to a hope that I would be ok once I found “my thing” but at the age of 44 I’m wondering how many more dead ends there are. I did a degree and a masters in photography as a mature student, and recently did an introduction to counselling skills course, and did well in both disciplines but the idea of the challenges involved in both directions is just too much for me.
This all sounds a bit maudlin and I promise it’s not. I think I am adjusting to feeling a sense of value in myself elsewhere, but for now I’m focussing on my upcoming autism assessment and trying to keep everything else on the back burner.
What a beautiful share Mim, thank you. I relate so much to the resistance you're describing, which has been the same for me up until very recent weeks when the thought of work started to return. I truly admire and respect the self-awareness you have in deciding where to focus your energy right now. ❤️
Thanks for sharing. Your needs for work are very similar to mine (also audhd - just haven't got the asd dx yet).
I burnt out in spectacular fashion in 2012. Well, I burnt out in 2010 and kept going for 2 more years in which I tried and tried to get somewhere with my PhD to no avail. I made myself ill with trying. Since then I've done various office jobs and put myself through so many hard things in the last decade I've burnt out again. I'm signed off sick now and don't intend to ever get into this position again. It's all about recovery from 36 years of hardship (yes, my whole life so far has been difficult in one way or another, probably cos of undiagnosed ND)
If I'd seen that picture of you in the lift out of context I wouldn't have recognised you in it!
For work, I need:
To work with a special interest and one that has enough variety so that I don't get bored.
To work with people in some capacity, even if only part of my job.
To do work that has some kind of impact, either teaching skills or advocacy work of some kind.
Frequent breaks
Mental health days
Work that pays enough that I can work part time
Thank you for sharing your story, Linda and I'm sorry to hear you're in the thick of another burnout. ❤️ I am so interested to see our work needs are quite similar, and now you mention it I would also add the last three you mention to my list. I can't see myself managing more than 3 or 4 hours of work a day, even under conditions that are 'perfect' for me. It's so interesting you mention the picture of me in the lift not looking like me, because honestly when I found it I felt like I was looking at a ghost that couldn't possibly be me!
My story is different, in that I’m a homeschool mom, and haven’t worked since I was pregnant with my first child. I think I unmasked so much during covid quarantine, that my brain didn’t want to/couldn’t go back to heavy masking afterward. I’m curious if anyone else relates... Either way, the central message is clear: we need to live differently from here on out in order to take care of ourselves. I really appreciate the thoughtfulness your posts/videos give me in how I should move forward. It’s especially important since I’m still struggling to move through burnout, and thinking about the future feels like reaching into mist...
I definitely relate to this Kayla! Covid was what kick-started my unmasking journey. I never went back to full-employment nor working in the office after covid, because I just couldn't face it - it was like I'd been shown another way to exist, and it was so much more aligned with how I felt on the inside that I couldn't ignore it. 'Thinking about the future feels like reaching into mist...' - yes, absolutely.
Thank you for sharing this Charlie. I found you around the time I started to realise that I am Autistic and have been masking pretty much my whole life. I have been unwell for a few years, having what I thought was my first 'mental breakdown' in 2017 as I was burning the candle at both ends and all through the day and night. Since then I have had two long term absences from work (I am a PA at an economics firm) and I am now at the point where my physical health has deteriorated so much I am disabled. I am starting to wonder if those breakdowns were in fact autistic burnout as I am in that place once again. I cannot afford to stop working, I work 4 days a week and from home at the moment but I am expecting my employer to put a stop to that any day and I worry about how much I will struggle with that both mentally and physically. I don't want to live like this anymore and your journey encourages me to really think about what I would like from my life, not what I can do to make sure other people are proud of me.
Sorry for the essay x
Hi Tanya, no need to apologise - I really appreciate you sharing your story, and I am so sorry you're going through such a tough time. ❤️ Shifting my compass from external to internal in terms of how I want (or need) to live my life has been hard but so rewarding (and is definitely an ongoing practice!). I really hope reflecting on what life looks like with your needs at the epicentre is a helpful thought experiment for you.
Thank you for resharing this with me Charlie! I had read it when you originally posted but it was a good reminder and good points to have a conversation around with my daughter ♥️
Thanks Charlie! This is a hot topic in my brain almost daily, “what will it be of me”, “how can I work, it haven’t changed since last time”, “I am
Not good enough” and so on.
I haven’t been active for some time, because I have had another round of mental health problems. As you know I do study my master degree and I am doubting if it is the right thing. Do I really want to struggle another year at school before starting a job I don’t know if I want?
I have worked as an engineer before, and didn’t cope so well.
You make me think, if you couldn’t work more when you turned 30. Why should I go through my 30 the same way you went through you 20th just to become burned out at 35... or it might be all fine.
I have asked my GP for therapy, so hopefully they can help me get some answers to what I want in life. What a ramble, but I just have to write what comes to mind 😅
I hope you are able to find the work you want and need.
I’ve avoided big burnouts until now (I’m 46) by making wild and sweeping changes in my life to distract and re-energise myself over the years. I realise now I was not reenergising but just creating adrenalin to push me forward. I dived into having children, getting divorced, getting remarried, moving country, moving house, moving house again, changing job, getting divorced again, getting a dog, moving town, changing job…..
And now - my kids have gone to uni, I’m not fuelled by Adrenalin and I have crashed and burned. 4 months of sick pay, exhaustion, rest, guilt so far.
But I have to pay the mortgage so I’ve left my emotionally high demand, sensory overwhelming job and I start a new one soon. Lower pay, lower demand. Which I’ve just realised is me following my same old patterns but more slowly.
Hopefully I can approach it in a way more suited to my needs - noise cancelling headphones in the office, some work from home days, not people pleasing, not carrying the emotional distress of others.
This sounds like me!! I have a tendency to move places after 2 years. The feeling of being the new person and therefore have an excuse not see people was my saving. Then I dived in to having children because I didn’t like my work, then I got another one close up because I didn’t wanted to go back to work and so on. I changed schools a lot as a child also. I also still just pushing through life, and I wonder when it will finally crash.
Hi Rina! I'm so glad you found comfort in this post. Writing is what helps me to reflect and process, so I really hope that you enjoyed your time in your backyard and that writing is providing the same safe haven for you too. ❤️