"It turns out that I had been so focused on the fact that I’d had a meltdown during hour four of Andrew being stuck on the floor of the bathroom that I’d failed to notice my strengths..."
I’m so sorry to hear about this and am very glad that Andrew is okay.
I wonder if you might benefit from changing your language a little, I’ve had to do the same and it does help. I call my meltdowns ‘flares’ now. Because my symptoms increase - thus causing me to need to re-evaluate how I manage my conditions.
It just makes me feel like less of a failure. I’m not having a meltdown - I’m not not coping or trying. I’m having a flare. My conditions are worse at this point and so it’s only right that I rest or respond to these additional symptoms. Just wondered if it would help xxx
oooo I'll definitely try this, thank you Carrie. I feel like this could be a good approach for quite a few of the 'medical' terms that are used to describe behaviours (from the outside) rather than lived experiences. I guess 'meltdown' has connotations of failure where as 'flares' has connotations of 'yep this is to be expected and I need to take care of myself'. Thank you ❤️
So sorry to hear about this. Glad Andrew is doing better. I also have no stress response to mask through health scares of my own these days. I think I used to be able to mask through them, now I just feel like I fall apart. And I need days of cave time to be able to look at things from a more rational perspective. It sometimes makes me miss the days when I was better at masking, because it can sometimes feel like I was much better at coping with life back then. Which of course, I wasn’t. But it can feel like that in the moment.
Thank you Silvia ❤️ I also call it 'cave time' - what a coincidence 😊 - and am exactly the same way. It takes days for me to process it and often I can't think about it rationally until I am better or I have the answers as to why I'm feeling unwell. Dealing with the uncertainty is really hard. I totally relate to it feeling like it would be 'easier' if I could mask through it too, because it feels like 'at least then I could keep distracting myself with life' whereas now I just fall apart in my cave feeling it all so intensely. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this!
Yes I definitely appear to cope better when others need me to. I've never really analysed why - but yes thinking about it now it'll be that combination of stress and masking. I could deal with all sorts of things when I was teaching that I couldn't do when alone - eg wasps and even a hornet 😱
Also my nervous system is so well practised with the fight, flight or freeze response that this year when a) a swarm of bees came to survey our garden it only took me 3 seconds to get my husband, son and a dog I was looking after inside and all the windows closed!!! I must have flown!! And b) when an adder crossed the path directly in front of myself and another dog out in the fields, I froze and the dog was just behind me!!! I think there was a lot of luck on our side for the snake incident!! 😅 I didn't really freak out/ flare up until I got home!!!
OMG A SNAKE! waaaa. Glad you got away okay!! These are exactly the types of examples that I'm reflecting on (minus the snake incident 🤣) - I guess part of it now is also knowing what a stress response is and knowing what a meltdown is and being less able to mask them when push comes to shove.
p.s. Just watched your recent vlogs and I noticed that you mentioned wanting to try acrylic gouache. If you ever want to talk art supplies, I’m always up for it! Also, I might have a few double colours of Holbein acrylic gouache and Turner’s. I’d be happy to send them to you :)
This is SO kind of you Silvia, thank you! I've actually got a set from my grandmother who handed them down to me when she found out I was interested, but thank you so much for your generous offer. :)
What an awful, scary situation- I’m so glad Andrew is okay!!! Love that you can see your strengths in this situation- we don’t have to be flawless to be strong! I hope you and Andrew can both get the rest you need ❤️ Also, what’s the difference between 999 and 111 AND why the heck couldn’t/wouldn’t paramedics come sooner??? (This made me mad on your behalf.)
I’m so sorry to hear about this and am very glad that Andrew is okay.
I wonder if you might benefit from changing your language a little, I’ve had to do the same and it does help. I call my meltdowns ‘flares’ now. Because my symptoms increase - thus causing me to need to re-evaluate how I manage my conditions.
It just makes me feel like less of a failure. I’m not having a meltdown - I’m not not coping or trying. I’m having a flare. My conditions are worse at this point and so it’s only right that I rest or respond to these additional symptoms. Just wondered if it would help xxx
I like that refraiming!
oooo I'll definitely try this, thank you Carrie. I feel like this could be a good approach for quite a few of the 'medical' terms that are used to describe behaviours (from the outside) rather than lived experiences. I guess 'meltdown' has connotations of failure where as 'flares' has connotations of 'yep this is to be expected and I need to take care of myself'. Thank you ❤️
So sorry to hear about this. Glad Andrew is doing better. I also have no stress response to mask through health scares of my own these days. I think I used to be able to mask through them, now I just feel like I fall apart. And I need days of cave time to be able to look at things from a more rational perspective. It sometimes makes me miss the days when I was better at masking, because it can sometimes feel like I was much better at coping with life back then. Which of course, I wasn’t. But it can feel like that in the moment.
Thank you Silvia ❤️ I also call it 'cave time' - what a coincidence 😊 - and am exactly the same way. It takes days for me to process it and often I can't think about it rationally until I am better or I have the answers as to why I'm feeling unwell. Dealing with the uncertainty is really hard. I totally relate to it feeling like it would be 'easier' if I could mask through it too, because it feels like 'at least then I could keep distracting myself with life' whereas now I just fall apart in my cave feeling it all so intensely. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this!
Yes I definitely appear to cope better when others need me to. I've never really analysed why - but yes thinking about it now it'll be that combination of stress and masking. I could deal with all sorts of things when I was teaching that I couldn't do when alone - eg wasps and even a hornet 😱
Also my nervous system is so well practised with the fight, flight or freeze response that this year when a) a swarm of bees came to survey our garden it only took me 3 seconds to get my husband, son and a dog I was looking after inside and all the windows closed!!! I must have flown!! And b) when an adder crossed the path directly in front of myself and another dog out in the fields, I froze and the dog was just behind me!!! I think there was a lot of luck on our side for the snake incident!! 😅 I didn't really freak out/ flare up until I got home!!!
OMG A SNAKE! waaaa. Glad you got away okay!! These are exactly the types of examples that I'm reflecting on (minus the snake incident 🤣) - I guess part of it now is also knowing what a stress response is and knowing what a meltdown is and being less able to mask them when push comes to shove.
sorry, what a 'flare up' is!!! Going to have to practice using other language 😅
I know 🐍 😱😱😱 but at least we find out that we can handle things when we have to!! And we should be proud of ourselves xx
PS meant to say I'm so glad Andrew is recovering. Back spasms are hideous xx
I think I'll keep the term shitty committee. I just love it!
Please be my guest! 😊
Me too!! 😁
p.s. Just watched your recent vlogs and I noticed that you mentioned wanting to try acrylic gouache. If you ever want to talk art supplies, I’m always up for it! Also, I might have a few double colours of Holbein acrylic gouache and Turner’s. I’d be happy to send them to you :)
This is SO kind of you Silvia, thank you! I've actually got a set from my grandmother who handed them down to me when she found out I was interested, but thank you so much for your generous offer. :)
What an awful, scary situation- I’m so glad Andrew is okay!!! Love that you can see your strengths in this situation- we don’t have to be flawless to be strong! I hope you and Andrew can both get the rest you need ❤️ Also, what’s the difference between 999 and 111 AND why the heck couldn’t/wouldn’t paramedics come sooner??? (This made me mad on your behalf.)