I'm aphantasic too! I wrote this article on it a few years ago after finding out about it, but couldn't believe how much sense things made once it clicked - things like being kicked off my Mandarin course at university because I couldnt memorise all the characters, no matter how hard I tried. But then after the relief, the grief and loss I felt was real too. Be kind to yourself.
Anyway, super interesting topic. Apparently it's also more common in NDs, but that could be hearsay. Here if you ever wanna chat more about it! 💜
Thank you so much for sharing this Cassie! Great article and I see SO much of myself in it - the bit about not being able to picture family's faces got me 🥹
"This newfound label could finally explain why I couldn’t picture my family’s faces or my childhood home, why my memories were so blurry, why I didn’t dream, and why I couldn’t draw without physical cues."
Thanks for sharing you experience. I have never thought about how my aphantasia influences how I travel. And it makes me realize that that might be why I have a hard time getting rid off stuff. Because I kind of lose the memories connected to the thing I don't really need any longer, but can't let go off.
Beach looks sublime 😌 ditto to the not knowing what my body is saying, trying to say and never quite knowing which decision will be restorative/reenergising or go the other way. All a practice isn't it.
Curious with the aphantasia, do you ever see anything when you listen to music?
I see all sorts of things all the time - almost feels opposite to aphantasia and especially with music which is why I was curious. Our brains really are fascinating arent they
I connected with how you described yourself being good at gaslighting yourself and being uncertain about your abilities or attributes. I can very much relate. I feel that people have been telling me my whole life how I feel (which has nearly never been how I've actually felt at the time) that it's a bit confusing for me to trust my own judgement about my feelings and sensations.
I totally understand the thing about getting up. I often feel a bit sluggish and I often wake up with a stuffed nose. Knowing whether this is because I am sick or just because I left the window open at night and it was a bit too cold is sooo difficult. And when sick: how sick am I? Just a little bit so that I will feel better if I get up or will I get totally sick when I do this? ARGHGTGH it's such a dilemma. Or: am I feeling like shit because of burnout/ meltdown/ shutdown or because I am scared of something? It's sooo hard to tell.
It is a quiz that helps you to determine why you don't feel good and it gives you ideas what to do. It can take up to an hour, but I also found that doing it like 10 minutes or so is so helpful, because one of the reasons I feel bad during the days is because I missed some of the essentials like eating and drinking.
HALT -> are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/Thirsty? Solving just the eating and drinking bit often improves my mood from 50 to 100% XD
I want to implement a shorter and more visual guide at some point, because I feel like clicking through a guide can sometimes be so much easier than coming up with those questions for myself.
I love this style of sharing notes and everything was so interesting, as always! I used to think that I wasn’t really a poetry person but I was gifted a couple of poetry books recently and have been really enjoying finding just the right poem to help process whatever I’m feeling ( or usually trying to work out what I’m feeling!) at the time. I love the poem you shared here ❤️
With the style of those artists, you might like Olivia Channing. She’s primarily a tattoo artist (and did mine in October) based at Glitch in Bristol but her sheets of flash art are gorgeous
Oh Charlie, my (in)ability to paint finally make sense. I've know that I was aphantasic long before my autism diagnosis, but for me it just meant I wasn't really good at art (or at least that's what school made me believe). In my burn out recovery, I've been picking up art supplies (I love my oil pastels) and just drawing shapes. Over and over. I've gotten to the point where I just let the shitty committee blabber on about how I can't draw anything "real" just from the get go. I'll just keep drawing my shapes and let my partner call it abstract art :)
I love seeing the inside life of other creators! While I am not aphantasic, I do have different challenges that affect the way I create. I'm grateful we are all built a little different so that we can all produce different kinds of art. I love your writing and drawings and knowing that you're aphantasic somehow enhances my appreciation even more!
I need to put Haruki Murakami’s "Novelist as a Vocation" on my reading list. I love his fiction!
Regarding aphantasia, or things of the mind in general, as it’s so very internal and with you since forever. Are you gaslighting yourself (in this instance) or just so used to being that way that it’s hard to separate yourself from it and look at it objectively?
I'm aphantasic too! I wrote this article on it a few years ago after finding out about it, but couldn't believe how much sense things made once it clicked - things like being kicked off my Mandarin course at university because I couldnt memorise all the characters, no matter how hard I tried. But then after the relief, the grief and loss I felt was real too. Be kind to yourself.
Anyway, super interesting topic. Apparently it's also more common in NDs, but that could be hearsay. Here if you ever wanna chat more about it! 💜
https://passionpassport.com/traveling-with-aphantasia/
Thank you so much for sharing this Cassie! Great article and I see SO much of myself in it - the bit about not being able to picture family's faces got me 🥹
"This newfound label could finally explain why I couldn’t picture my family’s faces or my childhood home, why my memories were so blurry, why I didn’t dream, and why I couldn’t draw without physical cues."
Thanks for sharing you experience. I have never thought about how my aphantasia influences how I travel. And it makes me realize that that might be why I have a hard time getting rid off stuff. Because I kind of lose the memories connected to the thing I don't really need any longer, but can't let go off.
Beach looks sublime 😌 ditto to the not knowing what my body is saying, trying to say and never quite knowing which decision will be restorative/reenergising or go the other way. All a practice isn't it.
Curious with the aphantasia, do you ever see anything when you listen to music?
Nothing! I only feel the music in my body. How about you?
I see all sorts of things all the time - almost feels opposite to aphantasia and especially with music which is why I was curious. Our brains really are fascinating arent they
I connected with how you described yourself being good at gaslighting yourself and being uncertain about your abilities or attributes. I can very much relate. I feel that people have been telling me my whole life how I feel (which has nearly never been how I've actually felt at the time) that it's a bit confusing for me to trust my own judgement about my feelings and sensations.
Thank you for a beautiful post.
Exactly this David! Thank you for connecting with me on this.
Really enjoyed this minimalistic format! Thank you for sharing your insights <3
I totally understand the thing about getting up. I often feel a bit sluggish and I often wake up with a stuffed nose. Knowing whether this is because I am sick or just because I left the window open at night and it was a bit too cold is sooo difficult. And when sick: how sick am I? Just a little bit so that I will feel better if I get up or will I get totally sick when I do this? ARGHGTGH it's such a dilemma. Or: am I feeling like shit because of burnout/ meltdown/ shutdown or because I am scared of something? It's sooo hard to tell.
Found this resource online: https://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play/index.html
It is a quiz that helps you to determine why you don't feel good and it gives you ideas what to do. It can take up to an hour, but I also found that doing it like 10 minutes or so is so helpful, because one of the reasons I feel bad during the days is because I missed some of the essentials like eating and drinking.
HALT -> are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired/Thirsty? Solving just the eating and drinking bit often improves my mood from 50 to 100% XD
I want to implement a shorter and more visual guide at some point, because I feel like clicking through a guide can sometimes be so much easier than coming up with those questions for myself.
Love to all of you <3
This is so helpful thank you for sharing! I particularly like HALT.
I love this! And I'm so glad you went to the beach! 🥰
I'm now going to look up aphantasia!!
I love this style of sharing notes and everything was so interesting, as always! I used to think that I wasn’t really a poetry person but I was gifted a couple of poetry books recently and have been really enjoying finding just the right poem to help process whatever I’m feeling ( or usually trying to work out what I’m feeling!) at the time. I love the poem you shared here ❤️
What a lovely way to consume poetry :)
Love this post of notes thank-you for sharing them :)
:)
With the style of those artists, you might like Olivia Channing. She’s primarily a tattoo artist (and did mine in October) based at Glitch in Bristol but her sheets of flash art are gorgeous
Thank you for pointing me towards Olivia's work Lily - wow, it's stunning and totally the style I love. Exciting you got a tattoo by her!!
You can see it on this post https://pullupachair.substack.com/p/these-are-a-few-of-my-favourite-things - she does stick and poke by hand so it’s less of a sensory overload than the machine tattoos look like they’d be!
🙌🏻 love it!! I was thinking the exact same about stick and poke, aside from personally much preferring the way they look.
Plus they heal quicker! What’s not to love?
Oh Charlie, my (in)ability to paint finally make sense. I've know that I was aphantasic long before my autism diagnosis, but for me it just meant I wasn't really good at art (or at least that's what school made me believe). In my burn out recovery, I've been picking up art supplies (I love my oil pastels) and just drawing shapes. Over and over. I've gotten to the point where I just let the shitty committee blabber on about how I can't draw anything "real" just from the get go. I'll just keep drawing my shapes and let my partner call it abstract art :)
I love seeing the inside life of other creators! While I am not aphantasic, I do have different challenges that affect the way I create. I'm grateful we are all built a little different so that we can all produce different kinds of art. I love your writing and drawings and knowing that you're aphantasic somehow enhances my appreciation even more!
I need to put Haruki Murakami’s "Novelist as a Vocation" on my reading list. I love his fiction!
Regarding aphantasia, or things of the mind in general, as it’s so very internal and with you since forever. Are you gaslighting yourself (in this instance) or just so used to being that way that it’s hard to separate yourself from it and look at it objectively?