"I was confused by the shocking change in me from one week to the next, and thought I just needed to try harder." Oh, that was such a common thought for me years ago, and turning that around and embracing reality (trying harder didn't ease anything) instead of my perception of reality (trying hard will fix everything) was a slow-burn lightbulb going off. I was moved by this post. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your life. I always learn so much and your honesty encourages my compassion.
Thanks so much for this, I really relate to it. And I’m also lucky enough to have an “ever-loving husband”, as you succinctly put it, who reminds me that’s just how I am when I come off an intensely social activity and have to go inside myself.
Thankyou for this Charlie, I loved this so much. Excepting who are as a person with no need for change is so hard but also so important. Thankyou again xx
As someone who has found out they are AuDHD and most probably have been living in autistic burnout for years which is why I have chronic fatigue, but not being able to find the right support to understand how to heal this, I find this post incredibly relatable and also hopeful that I will one day be able to get that rest and recovery and know what that looks like for me just as you are
"I’ve always known I need a lot of time to recover, process, and recalibrate after new experiences." - ooof, me too. I also need to budget a decent chunk of time post-holiday, to recover from the experience of going on holiday. No matter how much I enjoyed it or how gently I took care of myself, the act of moving from one spot to another on this vast, beautiful planet always exhausts me.
Please take all the time you need to recuperate. 🙏
As a fellow AuADHDer, this is something I am still struggling with. It can be also applied to burnout: "Why do I need time to recuperate from work? Why am I exhausted and I cannot keep up? Why other people seem to manage and I am not?". I really struggle finding other ND people that care about their well-being and reading your posts and the comments really helps :)
Aw thank you for writing this, Charlie. I relate to this so so much. This is actually me right now after a wedding on Saturday. But I am proud that I expected and planned for the recovery days. Previously I used to feel so wiped and unable to do anything but it would come as a shock to me and I'd be so resistant and frustrated. Now I am able to be more like 'this is how I am'. It makes the whole thing far less challenging. Although I feel incredibly fortunate that my life and my advantages enable me to build in recovery periods. Take massive care of you as you rest and recover and enjoy reminiscing about the amazing memories you've just made.
Yes, it is so true that this journey as a late AuDHDer is not linear for sure. There are plenty of opportunities when my shame gets triggered despite having addressed it so many other times. Yet, I do find that getting out of the shame cycle is not as challenging as it's been in the past. Perhaps, that's the thing. The triggers are still there, the shame may still get sparked, but as I work on healing from my traumas, changing my mindset, and learning to love myself more, the downward spirals aren't as intense as they had been in the past--at least for me.
Me and my husband now always plan in a day or a full afternoon (I work evenings so it’s a full day really for me) after a holiday to adjust before work. I thought it was just getting older 😆 but I too find the adjustment the week after difficult. I have no energy and find the return to routines jarring. I thinking getting older I’m just getting to know myself better! 💚
This is so helpful, as I'm currently going through it now. I'm diagnosed ADHD, but have been waiting to try to help my suspected autism until I actually get my diagnosis. But unless I win the lottery and go private, that could be anywhere from 5-7 years from now. It's silly to wait so long to try something that might help me and hurt no-one. I have to keep reminding myself that a diagnosis is how you get formal support and accommodations, but how I am is how I am, and a doctor doesn't need to tell me that. Even if I never get a diagnosis, I can do the things that help me, and try things that might.
"I was confused by the shocking change in me from one week to the next, and thought I just needed to try harder." Oh, that was such a common thought for me years ago, and turning that around and embracing reality (trying harder didn't ease anything) instead of my perception of reality (trying hard will fix everything) was a slow-burn lightbulb going off. I was moved by this post. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and your life. I always learn so much and your honesty encourages my compassion.
Thanks so much for this, I really relate to it. And I’m also lucky enough to have an “ever-loving husband”, as you succinctly put it, who reminds me that’s just how I am when I come off an intensely social activity and have to go inside myself.
Thankyou for this Charlie, I loved this so much. Excepting who are as a person with no need for change is so hard but also so important. Thankyou again xx
This resonates so much that I don’t know what to do with myself ❤️
I’d love to stop trying to be different.
As someone who has found out they are AuDHD and most probably have been living in autistic burnout for years which is why I have chronic fatigue, but not being able to find the right support to understand how to heal this, I find this post incredibly relatable and also hopeful that I will one day be able to get that rest and recovery and know what that looks like for me just as you are
"I’ve always known I need a lot of time to recover, process, and recalibrate after new experiences." - ooof, me too. I also need to budget a decent chunk of time post-holiday, to recover from the experience of going on holiday. No matter how much I enjoyed it or how gently I took care of myself, the act of moving from one spot to another on this vast, beautiful planet always exhausts me.
Please take all the time you need to recuperate. 🙏
As a fellow AuADHDer, this is something I am still struggling with. It can be also applied to burnout: "Why do I need time to recuperate from work? Why am I exhausted and I cannot keep up? Why other people seem to manage and I am not?". I really struggle finding other ND people that care about their well-being and reading your posts and the comments really helps :)
I relate to this so much, and love the idea of “ah, that’s just how I am.” I’m going to start using that!
Aw thank you for writing this, Charlie. I relate to this so so much. This is actually me right now after a wedding on Saturday. But I am proud that I expected and planned for the recovery days. Previously I used to feel so wiped and unable to do anything but it would come as a shock to me and I'd be so resistant and frustrated. Now I am able to be more like 'this is how I am'. It makes the whole thing far less challenging. Although I feel incredibly fortunate that my life and my advantages enable me to build in recovery periods. Take massive care of you as you rest and recover and enjoy reminiscing about the amazing memories you've just made.
Thanks for sharing your insights, Charlie.
Yes, it is so true that this journey as a late AuDHDer is not linear for sure. There are plenty of opportunities when my shame gets triggered despite having addressed it so many other times. Yet, I do find that getting out of the shame cycle is not as challenging as it's been in the past. Perhaps, that's the thing. The triggers are still there, the shame may still get sparked, but as I work on healing from my traumas, changing my mindset, and learning to love myself more, the downward spirals aren't as intense as they had been in the past--at least for me.
Me and my husband now always plan in a day or a full afternoon (I work evenings so it’s a full day really for me) after a holiday to adjust before work. I thought it was just getting older 😆 but I too find the adjustment the week after difficult. I have no energy and find the return to routines jarring. I thinking getting older I’m just getting to know myself better! 💚
This is so helpful, as I'm currently going through it now. I'm diagnosed ADHD, but have been waiting to try to help my suspected autism until I actually get my diagnosis. But unless I win the lottery and go private, that could be anywhere from 5-7 years from now. It's silly to wait so long to try something that might help me and hurt no-one. I have to keep reminding myself that a diagnosis is how you get formal support and accommodations, but how I am is how I am, and a doctor doesn't need to tell me that. Even if I never get a diagnosis, I can do the things that help me, and try things that might.